near despair

more like near desperate.

Yeah, so...you remember that great decision I made to stick with this nursing program. (BTW--I do not care to hear any "I told you so"s--you did, but what's done is done. I still feel the need to bitch.)

I'll keep this brief as I have a care plan to work on and chapters to read.

Last week was (hopefully) the hardest week we'll have this semester. We had 8 chapters of OB to study and 2 discussion board assignments (debacles) to participate in. That's along with working on care plans, critical evaluations or whatever the rotation you are on requires. I failed the exam Monday because I didn't study as much as I should have. I know where I went wrong. It doesn't help that there was just so much to read and study about. We went from the whole birth process to include normal deliveries and everything else that can be thrown at you to the postpartum period and everything that can be thrown at you there. That's a lot of material to cover in one week.

When the teacher doesn't teach and you're pretty much teaching yourself, or learning in study groups, it makes it even more difficult. Hence the feelings of regret. We have one instructor for second year. One. We have no choice. Do you see the problem here? I think I'll be ok. I'm swimming on the surface and not drowning. I can't say the same for my whole class. There are people who dream about becoming nurses and their dreams are being ripped out from under them.

All this and life has its own drama. On my way to buy groceries the other day. (I decided, like an idiot, not to go to Quantico, but rather to try out the new Harris Teeter.) This was stupid, for one, because I spent more than I normally would--not withstanding the normal reduced prices you pay at the commissary, but there's a way better selection of new and different items. One reason I chose to go there was because of my time constraints. I figured going 15 minutes away versus 45 would help even out some of the extra money spent.

WRONG!!!

There was a huge car accident that included two fatalities. It apparently happened sometime before 7 a.m. and I went through around 8:45 and it was still backed up. Let's put it this way, when I saw the one car that had been involved I wanted to bawl. I knew it meant someone had died. That and the fact that they don't normally close high traffic roads unless there are fatalities. By the time I went through it had opened back up. A young father, who spent the night before up with his 5 day old, fell asleep at the wheel and T-boned a young mother. She was a graduate from our LPN program a couple of years ago. She left behind her 9 year old son.

Moving forward I took AW and his friends to the sakteboarding event on Saturday and they had an awesome time. I enjoyed watching it, although I'd awakened that morning with a severe headache.

Sunday was uneventful.

Monday I woke up with a migraine and had to skip the first class. I ended up taking acetaminophen and ibuprofen and was able to shower then drive myself to my local Rite Aid to have my Relpax Rx refilled. I headed to school for the exam. That's when I found out about the nurse who died in the above mentioned accident having been a graduate of our LPN program. There was a bit of sadness in the air.

Last night, here at home, I heard sirens, and at the same time was beckoning for my children to come in. LB informed me by text message that there was fire trucks and ambulances up our street. Being the nosey neighbor I am, and unable to focus on my care plan or anything else other than the local drama, I headed outside. Apparently one of our neighbors passed away after having a heart attack. What I gathered from another neighbor is the deceased drank heavily and had been in liver failure.

Today at clinicals we had near endless excitement. One of my classmates' patients threw up over 1000ml of blood and the rapid response team was called because she was going downhill PDQ. The RRT was called off after the doc got in there and assessed her.

Then about an hour or so (times could be off as I have no concept of time right now) later we actually had a code blue. The patient was resusciated. Then we could overhear one of the docs calling to notify the family and we overhear the doc saying someting to the effect of "You don't want him on the ventilator?" As the team was pulling the patient out of the room, to go to ICU, they then had to push him back in. Then evidently the family member decided the patient could be put on the ventilator temporarily. Off he went to ICU.

We got out early today so our instructor could attend the funeral for the deceased nurse. Oh yeah, during our morning session I had to step out of the room when the instructor notified us about the funeral and we talked about the accident. Come to find out the car I saw belonged to the nurse. I lost it.

Can we say madness? This is all not to mention the extreme wind blowing right now. It wouldn't be so bad but it's too nice for the A/C to be on, so our windows are open.

Ok, so this didn't turn out as brief as I'd originally intended, but now I am finished blathering at the mouth. Or should that be the keyboard?

Here's hoping for some calm...

down to one roll

We're down to one roll of toilet paper in our house. We have three bathrooms, and one roll. How can this be you ask? Those of you who've gone through or are going through nursing school may be able to answer that question.

Normally I go grocery shopping every two weeks, or so. I have not gone grocery shopping, I'd like to say, since school started this semester. I may be in error saying that, but i'ts been nearly that long. Now that I think about it, it can't have been 6 weeks. Can it? Nooo.

Anyway, my point is I have very little time for much other than reading and studying these days. This is evident in the reduced frequency of my blog posting.

A prescription for Xanax may be in my near future. Right now I am pretty wound up, as tense as a ball of twine.

We had two tests this week. I passed the one on Monday with an 86 bringing my grade up to just above passing in med/surg. I hope I'm not repeating this info, as that would be wasting precious time. Tuesday we took one on skin, lab and diagnostic testing, and dosage calculations. I received an 88 on it. Wednesday and Thursday were clinicals. I had an easy patient, almost too easy as I was bored a lot of the time. Our clinical instructor is such an awesome teacher.

So this weekend will be spent doing the usual, you guessed it--reading, completing study guides, ATI chapters that pertain to the current subject matter we're studing, reinforcing the info with my Reviews and Rationales books, and participating in the online discussions our instructor has burdened us with.

On a happy note (happy for him, but not for the time it takes from studying--that is horrible to say, but in a world where I would sacrifice going to watch, it's reality) AW is skateboarding with a pro skater tomorrow afternoon in an exhibition. This pro was at the middle school the other day showing off his moves and he asked what the name of a certain stunt was. AW answered correctly and won the opportunity he is so excited about taking part in tomorrow. Seriously I would probably not go if it weren't for the fact that Big B has another obligation tomorrow at the same time. I will admit I have to feel a certain amount of appreciation for this predicament, because I would probably never forgive myself for missing it. You can bet as soon as it's over we'll (he's bringing three friends, one gets to take part in the exhibition as well--one of those you win and you get to choose a friend situations) head straight for home where I'll make a beeline to my books.

Off to shop and then home to study...

shut up and drive

Seriously, you'd think I was on speed or something. I'm not...let's just clarify that fact! I have one trillion things going through my mind. First, I made a B on today's test, which with the failing grade from the last one brings me up to a C. Yeah!

We have another test tomorrow on skin assessment, something, something, and dosage calcuations. Oh, I think one of the somethings is on history and physical. ??? When asked of our instructor what in particular the test would be on she replied, "Look at your syllabus". Ummm, ok. We can all read. We have no idea what this test is going to be like. She did later inform us it would be multiple choice.

I have to start my care plan for my current clinical rotation, start reading for the community health ATI that we have to take next month, read for OB...

Tomorrow the community college is holding the annual college night and I have to take LB to it.

AW came home with two Ds on his interim progress report today. The rest of the grades were great and he's probably brought the Ds up as he's turned in the missing work that caused the Ds.

Did I mention I made a B on the test today? :D

Ok, well I need to get off here, eat dinner and then go tackle those one trillion things I have on my mind.

Time to "shut up" before I drive myself crazy!

will there ever be a time...

....when I feel like I know something?

Ok, I have to admit, there's been a few things, mainly on TV that I've identified from knowledge I've gained while in nursing school. For instance last night there was a report on the news about the 19 lb baby that was born in Indonesia. Big B called me down to see it, as I was upstairs studying. When I saw the baby I said to him that it was a macrosomia baby, and his mom most likely has diabetes. Wouldn't ya know it as ole Sheppard Smith went on to report, mom does have diabetes?

The other night on Survivor one of the castaways was feeling ill after a challenge. While the doc was assessing him she had him stand up after taking his BP, which was low. I said he's mostly likely got orthstatic hypotension, and wouldn't ya know it, he fell back as soon as he got to his feet. I actually knew about orthostatic hypotension from back in the days as an Air Force medic.

Nonetheless I am learning, or at least I feel like I am. That is, I feel that way until I take the practice tests for the textbook, online. I went through the five chapters we're studying, and it was like riding a roller coaster. One I'd bomb, the next I did great, the next eh, not so great, and so on. I try to not let those tests get to me, as they're good practice and I read the rationales for the questions I get wrong. They're not graded for gosh sakes.

5 down, 11 to go

Yep, there's only eleven more weeks in this semester. I have to say it's moving along quite nicely. I barely have time for anything other than reading, reading, and more reading.

We started our clinicals back up at the hospital this week, and that went very well. I went in there so nervous yesterday morning, but that eased up as the morning went on. I passed meds, observed PT changing the dressing of my patient's stage 4 pressure ulcer of the heel, charted, and other fun things.

We were then excused to go to a medical ethics meeting. The initial subject was preparation for H1N1 and patient surge. Ethics comes into this say, when you have two patients needing a ventilator--in the instance that things get that bad--and one has a 50/50 chance of survival, is mid-forties and has a family, the other patient is 75/25 with no one and just so happens to be 75 years old. Who gets the last available ventilator?

Then the other issue raised came from a recent case where a woman at 24 weeks came in wanting a therapeutic abortion because of fetal anomalies, where the fetus would be non-viable upon birth. This hospital is a small community hospital, that receives private funding. The population of the local area is pretty conservative. Every OB doc who was available became a part of this issue when it happened. Some were for it, some weren't. The ethics committee was called upon to make a decision. In the end the woman was transferred to a university hospital. The issue doesn't end there as it may happen again. Yeah, big...huge...can of worm there!

Today was pretty low key. The excitement came when we were notified that the above mentioned pressure ulcer is infected with VRE. Fun times to be had in the hospital!

Thursday afternoons are one of my current favorite times of the week. There are no classes and no clinicals on Fridays, and only the weekend to look forward to...even if it's spent reading and studying for Monday's exam.

so much to talk about, so little time

Weekends blow.

That is, they blow until mid-December. That's only because we have exams every Monday until then. Yesterday was my anniversary, and I spent the greater part of the day studying. See? Nursing school is rough.

Fortunately my husband is 85% on board with understanding how IT is in nursing school. He's seeing it first hand. He had to explain to the neighbor lady that 1.) I wasn't coming over to talk to her because yes, I am not thrilled with what she has done and 2.) I am studying, even on our anniversary, so that should make one understand the level of commitment...perseverance...insanity. This, as in the indiscretions of people, is one of those things that I could so go on about, but there is so little time to even be typing this post let alone explaining wondering neighbor's ways. (Evidently she's returned long enough to gather up some of her things, sign away her rights to everything, and then hit the road back to what is certainly not greener grass!)

Big B and I did go out on Friday night to the DC Improv and we laughed our arses off at the two front liners, and then especially at Greg Giraldo.



This is where the other 15% comes in. I would have been perfectly content staying in ALL WEEKEND, studying, and taking in a Patrick Swayze flick and a nice home cooked (grilled by him) dinner. Ghost would have been a good anniversary movie. We did have tons of fun though Friday night and I needed it.

Friday I did my clinical rotation at the local wound care center. Let's just say it wasn't what I had expected and nothing more really then the experience I had working as a MA at a podiatrist's office way back when. The only real cool thing about it was the hyperbaric chamber.

Other than all of that I need new nursing shoes and am leaning toward a couple of styles of New Balance, since they came so highly recommended way back when I first asked about shoes. My Grasshopper's aren't fitting the needs of longer days.

I suppose I need to get off here now and go finish studying. Tomorrow's exam is OB, which in the end, I ended up with an 83.3% on the first one. Last week's med/surg exam was even worse with a 76.6% (failure). Considering I ended up with As and Bs after my first year these poor grades aren't sitting extremely well, but I've pretty much gotten to the point where I am fine with pass/fail...intending on PASS. That may seem piss poor and lacksidasical, but after ten years of school and life with teens receiving the diploma is what's most important, not graduating with honors. Please understand normally I would be the kind of person to strive for that, but I just do't have the energy now.

Now on to more energy sapping studying...

wedded bliss

September 19, 1992


What can I say? I married a pervert!! Still happy 17 years later!

like kids in a candy store!

my classmate, LP, and I

Seriously, when the clinical coordinator took us back to the locker room and told us to change so we could go observe some of the morning's cases you would have thought we were two kids in a candy store. We were so excited to be putting on surgical scrubs and getting to at least observe surgeries. Today was one of my most fun clinical days by far. Not to mention I dig the whole scheme of the surgery center...and the work hours aren't so bad either! That's some food for thought for later...

I observed three cases total. The first two were Ts&As, or tubes and adenoidectomies. The CRNA, MD and RNs were awesome as far as letting me get in right over their shoulders and seeing every little thing they were doing. My last case was a GYN--hysteroscopic D&C of polyps, and what was supposed to be an operative laparoscopy. The polyps turned out to be the size of large peanut M&Ms and the lap ended up being only exploratory as the surgeon didn't find anything problematic. He was as great as the CRNA and MD from before, and so was the CRNA from the GYN case. The GYN surgeon let me get right in their over his shoulder and get a bird's eye view of the whole procedure.

Everyone we encountered today was awesome to be around. It was sort of a utopia of medical facilities! So after an exhilarating morning LP and I left as high as if we'd sucked down some gummy worms, sour patch kids, and pixie sticks!

Tomorrow (I'm going out to lunch with a friend, getting my hair trimmed and a pedicure), which would normally be a clinical day is instead a day off, since LP and I are going to a local wound care center on Friday. That's as exciting to me as all the other things I've been doing. Next week we head up to the hospital and start our regular rotations where we'll be doing med/surg, telemetry, ortho, etc. We'll have a total of about 8 weeks doing that, which should also include trips to the ED, OR, IR, and other such places if we're lucky. Then our last four weeks, which include Turkey Day break, will be spent in OB/peds. I just have to make it through the in between stuff and suck up as much good experience from it as I can. I just do not see me doing med/surg for any great length of time once I graduate. Who knows I may love it. I can't wait for the OB/peds rotation though!

a tribute

Our local high school had a pregame tribute to all the area firefighters, EMS, law enforcement, and military personnel in honor of the remembrance of 9/11/01.
This is before it started, waiting, while everyone was lining up and the principal made the opening remarks.


Here you have everyone filing down centerfield, then lining up, while Lee Greenwood's "Proud to Be An American" played.


This is just prior to the American Anthem being played.
As a veteran of the United States Air Force I was very proud to stand beside others who have served, or are still serving.

Here we have our mascot, the eagle, played by my son, LB, during the first half.

open says me

My eyes can barely stay open and they're just watering like crazy. If this post makes no sense whatsoever chalk it up to pure exhaustion.

Monday we had off (yay!) Tuesday was a bit of a waste of time. We practiced taking health histories. We partnered up and asked each other a bunch of questions off of a health history form, that was pretty redundant in a lot of places. Then we were dismissed. Yesterday for clinicals we went to a neighboring county's health care campus and toured the long term care facility, which includes an Alzheimer's unit, sub-acute care unit, rehab unit and a couple of other units. After our tour we played balloon volleyball with about 8-10 of the female residents on the Alzheimer's unit. Then we were dismissed. The five of us that had to participate this week in my clinical group (I LOVE my clinical group!) went to lunch. Today we had to be at the same campus, but this time at the small community hospital, and we had to be there at 0630.

Did I mention this was about an hour away? I've been up since 0415.

When the instructor arrived she informed us that one would go to the ED, one would go to OR, and the other 3 would go with her up to her med/surg unit. I lucked out and got the ED!!

I saw some really cool cases including a person that was HIV positive who had had seizures; a person who was having mysterious neurological deficits (mysterious because all the tests were coming back negative/normal); and a few other minor cases. It was awkward because I knew that me being there only one dday, and a half day at that, that not much would be invested in my learning experience. The nurse I was assigned to observe was actually great to work with though, so overall it was a pretty good experience. I would elaborate a bit more but I am spent and will now be taking my tired eyes...and body to go relax...after making dinner. Thankfully spaghetti is too easy.