a dose of positivity

It seems there's been quite a bit of negativity seething from my pores lately, and sadly it's been reflected in my posts. This year has been challenging so far, so I'm going to point out some of the more positive highlights in an effort to help me realize it's not all been bad.

☺ First and foremost, me and mine are all healthy
☺ I passed the ATI Comprehensive Predictor on first attempt, and it showed I would have a 97% chance of passing NCLEX first time around
☺ Snooki came into our lives
☺ a dear friend designed a beautiful tattoo for me
☺ we went to NYC for NYE
☺ I had a great preceptorship experience, where I saw c-sections, vaginal deliveries, was able to take care of some wonderful families, and was able to do my first vaginal exam.
☺ I've made some everlasting friendships
☺ I've been able to go out and do some fun things with my family and friends, like the Medieval Times dinner
☺ I graduated from nursing school, a dream of 11+ years (more like 19, it just wasn't realized then)
☺ I've reconnected with some old friends
☺ My husband and I are going on 18 years of marriage
☺ LB and AW* will both be attending high school in the fall (*wasn't sure that was going to happen)
☺ I was able to spend time with my mom


I'm probably forgetting some things, but I really am thankful for the good in my life. It was important for me to point some1 of it out, even if it's for my own realization.

what could be worse for a new grad nurse?

What could be worse than to find out, nearly a month after graduation, that your transcripts were never sent out to the state department of health professions?

Many of us had voiced to one another that it did seem to be getting out of hand, as far as the time it was taking for our ATTs to be submitted to us. We even called the school about a week or two ago and asked if the transcripts had been sent out. We were reassured that they had been. Interesting.

It's interesting because today one of my peers had to go to the school, after recently receiving the letter telling him that his application for licensure was complete, all that was pending was the transcripts. When he'd originally sent out his application he sent it to the wrong place. It was sent back to him and then he resent it to the right place; hence, the reason he was receiving the before mentioned letter now. He thought for sure they had to have our transcripts by now, but when he inquired he was told they didn't have his. Off to the school he went. Another of our peers was also there, come to find out hers hadn't been sent either. They had the school check to see if anyone's had.

Nope. Nada, Zilch, Zippo. Our whole class was screwed.

We were advised to test as soon as you possibly could, once you feel comfortable to do so. I was hoping to test by the time the boys finished their school year up so that I wouldn't have to worry about studying once they were home.

Now I'm...we're... still left waiting to receive our authorization to test. Hmmmm. At this point when do you predict we'll be able to schedule our exams, considering the hoards of other NCLEX test takers who, by now, are receiving their ATTs and taking up the best test dates?

slumpalicious

If Weird Al Yankovic wrote me a song based on my current life situation it would be entitled "Slumpalicious" and he would sing it to the tune of "Fergalicious". That's where it would end because I by no means make any boys go loco. Well, maybe I drive my male offspring crazy. sometimes.

Anyway...

I've been in a bit of a slump lately. Things have not gone the way I thought they would have at this point in my life. In particular, I thought for sure I would be employed by now - I'm not. I thought I would have a date to take the NCLEX - I do not. It's all pretty frustrating and what makes it worse is I have little to no control over any of it at the moment. My fellow new grads and I, from my school, are still awaiting the entry of our transcripts into the SBN system. There are no new grad positions open anywhere and as the days go on we're further and further from being considered new grads. Without test dates we're unable to test and therefore have yet to be licensed.

It's ridiculous. I know my program was not the only program in the state, but come on! We've heard other new grads, from other programs, have received their ATTs and have subsequently been able to schedule their NCLEX dates.

Aside from all this I'm just feeling down in the dumps. I'm not used to being at home all the time with little to no social interaction. It's like a catch 22. Need to study for a test that I have yet to know when I'm taking it, and I can't get a job...

I've applied many places. Most places want a year or more of experience. If it's not been a requirement I've gone ahead and applied. I've even applied for a couple of non-RN jobs. One position was for an EKG support associate and one is as a medical assistant. At this point beggars can't be choosers.



I'm even considering a job that's not even in the medical field. It would be doing what I did before nursing school and that's working as a teacher's aide. There's also a social service assistant position open at a local nursing home. Honestly, I just want to work. Fortunately the social calendar is filling up over the next month. Tons of stuff is going on and I look forward to it.

Of course, then I still have NCLEX to study for...

gahhhhhhh!

Yep, that's about how I feel at this very moment.

I'm still waiting for my ATT (Authorization to test) and who knows if the school has even sent my transcripts. Part of me wants to call, but then part of me doesn't. At this point, one whole week after commencement, they should have sent them by now. I might go postal if they were to inform me that the transcripts were still sitting there on someone's desk ready to be set off.

It helps to go back and read other people's NCLEX induced anxiety experiences. Here's one at My Journey from a Student to a Nurse.

I've been doing questions everyday, except this past Saturday. I figured it would be a good day to take a break. I've also been going over content and will be putting more focus on areas where I feel I am lacking in knowledge. Right now I feel like that's pretty much everything! ARGHHH!

pinned

He's been not only my CFO the past several years, and then some, he's been my rock. My name was called, and so was his. Mine was mispronounced, as usual; his being more common, wasn't. As we stride closer to one another he exclaims "Thank God!" He starts to come at me with it as if he's going to poke my breast, but he's only joking. I told him he better not. Then he pins me. He kisses and hugs me. And then the journey was complete.






Then he ended up in my class pictures.

Our photographer showed up late, so we had to wait until the ceremony to have our photos taken.

getting inked

For several years now I've wanted a tattoo, but I haven't ever figured out what I wanted to live with as a part of my skin, permanently, until recently. I knew one thing I wanted was the caduceus and then also something to do with my boys. At first it seemed that having their zodiac symbols would be a good idea, but the thought just didn't inspire any creativity for me. It finally dawned on me, considering how much I love flowers, that I could incorporate the love of flowers into my design, along with making it special regarding LB and AW. Why not use the state flowers from where they were born, thusly creating a concept that is ultimately symbolic.

I'm fortunate enough to have several talented people in my life, one of whom is talented in more than one way. She happens to be an artist. I'd like to thank her for drawing a tattoo design for me that exceeds my greatest expectations.

newsworthy

PINNING

IS

TONIGHT!!!!!

admissions

My last final exam is Monday morning at 9 a.m. and I couldn't be more nervous than I am right now. I'm on the verge of a migraine. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so close to the edge. This is why I don't go to the edges of cliffs. Even thinking about doing that makes me dizzy. But, alas, here I am with an 81% in my med/surg class. We still have four items to be submitted for a grade; one of our clinical rotation grades is pending, our preceptorship packet, our preceptorship/clinical grade and the final exam. It's a mere 25% of our total grade. I haven't done the math, but figure anything less than 78 and I fail.

These last few months have been extremely trying, even more than anyone will ever know. We've continued to have problems with AW and his academic standing, as well as his behaviors. Some of it's normal teenage rebellion, some of it has gone to extremes. I shoulder a lot of it, since I feel that I'm to blame for it all since I took time away from him to go to nursing school.

I think what makes me most nervous about failing is that it will quash everything we've been through the past two years.

Stronger, Mary J. Blige

We've been through the storm, we've been through it all
We had some close calls but never would fall
We climbed all the mountains, walked through all the valleys but you never left me behind

I found my way through the clouds
No more runnin, scared, closing my eyes
I will be true this love from my heart
I'm laying my life on the line

I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

They said we wouldn't make it but guess what we made it
And we got them wondering how
You were always for me, never been the one t'hurt me
You gave me peace of mine

I found my way through the clouds
No more runnin, scared, closing my eyes
I will be true this love from my heart
I'm laying my life on the line

I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

Sometimes I can't believe that you are with me..
There's nobody lucky as me
So I get on my kness to make sure that he knows that I'm grateful for what he gave me

I will survive
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

maple syrup gums

This is only half of it.





I'd probably be able to figure out which dog was most responsible for the trash strewn across my utility area on into the computer room, if only I smelled the breath of both guilty parties. I kid you not, I came home to a trash trail about 20 feet long and 4 feet wide.







Whomever got a hold of Aunt Jemima took out some real frustrations, if the condition of the bottle is an indication...



...the remnants were itty-bitty plastic pieces of shrapnel as if the bottle had exploded.

nevermind me

It's nearly 1 a.m. and I'm still awake, on purpose. I'm heading into my last string of night shifts tonight. I've actually liked working nights, since mornings aren't my forte. It's the trying-to-sleep-during-the-days-with-other-humans-living-nearby that has been problematic.

Doesn't the whole world know I'm working nights and I need my sleep like some people need to breathe!?

Seriously.

First, we have the phone. For the most part people who know us call us on our cell phones. It's those pesky telemarketers who call on the house phone and there's really not that many. But just like conception only takes one sperm, it only takes one dastardly phone call to kill a good sleep.

We've considered just cancelling our home phone, but our Internet is tied into it. I don't have the capacity to worry about such things right now, so after school is over I will work on that.

Speaking of that - school being over - 19 days!!

Ahem, back to my rant.

Next we have electricity or rather the fallibility of it. It's not a perfect phenomenon and there are times where it will stop working. Case in point, last Thursday, the power went out at the local high school (the high school LB goes to). First, we have the phone calls and then we have the teenager. He came home and decided it was imperative to notify the sleeping parent of the house that he and some friends would be going fishing.

Great! Did the phone lines go out as well and you couldn't call your father??? Sorry, mommy's grumpy...

Then we have the other teenager who comes home after his regular school day, because thank heavens the archaic building he goes to middle school in didn't lose power. He proceeds to ask me if he can go to a friend's house.

Yes, that was all in the same day. That night shift was so not fun! I was physically ill. Have you ever been that exhausted, where you feel almost as if you're experiencing vertigo, and you most certainly have nausea, and basically feel as if you're green?

Then there's the fact that my 39-year old body is just not used to staying up all night long anymore. I've done it though. Six whole nights so far, to be exact. Because the birthing center I've been doing my preceptorship at is relatively small, and not much has gone on, I've been able to catch up on some of my reading.

Don't get me wrong. I've gotten tons of good experience. I did have to go in for an 8-hour day shift today just to see a c-section. I've come close to seeing vaginal deliveries, but no cigar. I'm hoping tomorrow night might just be the night for it. Hopefully, typing this won't jinx it, but we have three inductions scheduled for tomorrow, and one isn't until 1530.

The other student who has been working nights has seen three vaginal deliveries during her nights, but I don't know about c-sections for her.

Speaking of exhaustion and the fact that I don't have to stay up all night, well the rest of it anyway, I'm going to head to bed and try to sleep through the morning. I'm hoping the teenagers will wake up on time, on their own - which has been a challenge all it's own!