Tuesday, December 29, 2009

it's a jumble in there!

Do you ever feel like you've lost your spirit? Your spunk? For me, I think it was the day I went to the ER. (See previous post.) I had been on a roll, as things were moving along just fine. The crazy semester was coming to a fulfilling sense of closure and then WHAM!!

It's kind of like my bubble had been burst. Sure, I didn't like having three days of finals, even if it was working out in my favor. I would have been just fine having two on Tuesday and finishing then. As it was, Tuesday afternoon and evening afforded the opportunity to do some last minute studying, if one chose to do so. One didn't do as much as one could have, but this isn't about what could have or should have been.

This is about an overwhelming sense of, well I don't really want to say depression because it sounds too harsh, so I'll call it a case of the blahs. I mean come on, it's the holidays. I should innately feel joyful and filled with the Christmas spirit! Shouldn't I feel that way? I have, but only in brief spurts.

It doesn't help that I reminisce back to last year and succumb to sadness. My mom and dad came out for Christmas last year and I can remember being elated and eager to do all sorts of holiday-type things. I baked dozens of cookies, decorated, cleaned, etc. all in preparation of their arrival. This year it was just the guys and I. Saying "just" makes it seem like I wasn't pleased to spend time solely with my nuclear family, but I am. It's hard when you're surrounded by friends, neighbors and acquaintances that are surrounded by their family.

It doesn't help that I not only lost my rhythm with the ER visit, but was also devastated by the Blizzard of '09.

Yes, I truly dislike snow. It's only appropriate on Christmas Day and even then anything more than 2-3 inches is 1-2 inches more than enough.

Of course this record breaking storm had to happen the weekend Big B and I had planned our first holiday party. We were looking forward to it so much. He'd invited some co-workers he's befriended, and I'd invited my classmates and of course our friends. It was going to be a blast! We didn't plan for it to be a stuffy gathering by any means. We just wanted to celebrate the season and I was looking forward to celebrating the end of the semester with my classmates.

We were pummeled with two feet of the fluffy white stuff. It was ridiculous.

As it was LB and AW had slept over at friends' houses that Friday, when it started, and ended up snowed in with those families. Everyone knew it was coming by then, so no one minded having extra kids. The one family not only had LB, but another friend as well.

Anyway, the party was to be "adults only" so it would have been perfect if only the two feet of snow hadn't crippled the region. I mean the boys may or may not have spent the weekend with their friends' families anyway. It happens. I've had kids stay for whole weekends before.

One couple - of the approximately 30 or so people who were supposed to show up - showed up. They had somewhat of an ulterior motive. Their daughter is dating the boy who lives behind us. Once the snow happened they told her they weren't going to come to the party, and therefore weren't going to take her to her boyfriends house. Then cabin fever set in and they decided to make the trek. So the "party" wasn't a total wash, but it wasn't anywhere near what I'd expected. We did have fun just hanging out as Big B victimized us by "forcing" us to watch his newest obsession, The Hangover. Hilarious as the movie may be, movies aren't my idea of party entertainment. It was only the four of us though. We all laughed and had a good time.

I still can't shake the blahs. This morning I did awaken widely at the oddly early hour of 5 a.m. in a pretty good mood. It's odd because I am on break and should be sleeping at such hours! Yet, here I am blogging.

Last year, amidst my cleaning, I had done some seriously thorough cleaning and reorganizing in the house. This year, not so much. Yesterday I did tackle the mail-catch-all basket. I do plan to do a major overhaul of my bedroom and would like to repaint LB's room. There are two more weeks of break, so we shall see if I can get into the swing of things and let the promise of a new, exciting year ahead motivate me into some major action.

I suppose it would be a good idea to get out of the jumble that is in my head and stop the over-thinking. It's time to relax for gosh sakes!