Sunday, October 5, 2008

to be or not to be

In my earlier post I said something about "hope" in regards to nursing school being related to my life for the next two years. Does everybody go through the whole questioning what you're doing thing in regards to nursing school? To even be accepted into nursing school is a major achievement, and for many it comes after a lifetime of dreaming of being a nurse.

I don't quite think it's been a lifetime dream for me, but rather since I figured out I was worth it, and could do it....which came after getting out of the Air Force and realizing my dream. While on active duty, as a medic I worked closely with many great nurses, some not so great. I can remember thinking that I was never smart enough, or confident enough to be a nurse. Confidence is something I constantly try to achieve...daily. It comes easier with age.

So now that I've worked my butt off, to get where I'm at today, and I find myself questioning my choices, all too often. It doesn't help that I'm burned out on school...or that I would just love to be working-right now!!-bringing home the almighty paycheck.

Do I take the easy road and quit? Is it just me being lazy? Scared? What will I miss over the next two years? Baseball, games, the guys' social events, simply the chance to play a board game with them because I'm busy studying? This doesn't even take into consideration working after graduation. Many times new nurses are put on night shift...ugh. Although there are many advantages to nights, such as less bureaucracy, there's still the fact that nights are tough, especially if you're no longer a night owl. Or there are evening shifts..but that would ultimately mean missing those things I cherish.

So what will I regret more not accomplishing my dream, or missing out my kids' lives while they're still young? Or is there room for it all? Why do I second guess myself?

impending doom

That's what I'm/we are in for. This past week our class was notified about ATI testing. (For non-nursing people who might be reading, ATI is a prep program for NCLEX-National Council Licensure Examination-how a RN truly becomes a RN.) I had been previously warned, so was not as shocked as some...until they told us the price for this semester's portion. Yeah, how does $109 sound...especially if you weren't expecting it? Subsequent semesters the cost will be $89. As far as I can tell the only forewarning given was in the nursing student handbook. Now after reviewing it, it would be apparent that cost is involved...had you read it. How many people actually read the handbooks? I do, really. But didn't remember the section on ATI, but like I'd already said, I had been forewarned-by another source. So on top of all the other reading we've been doing, we're now going to have more reading.

In other news...we received our test results for both Nur100, and Nur105. You may have read a couple of posts ago about my 96% in Nur100. Can we say cloud 9? Unfortunately, that's not the case for Nur105. I received an 82%, and evidently that was one of the highest grades in the class! What does that say for the test? That score was raised from the original 77%, after the instructor threw out 2 questions. 82% is a "C" in my program, and a "D" is failing. Let's be clear, anything 79% and below is failing.

It seems like not much else is going on. Hark! That's not true! The guys are doing well. They're very tolerant of me an my quirks. Let's face it, for the next two years everything is going to be relative to nursing school. (I hope, but will address that hope later.) So this past week in lab we learned asepsis, and safety. We were able to bring our practice gowns, non-sterile gloves and masks home, as well as a set of sterile gloves and a dressing tray. Practice makes perfect right? So I decided it would be funny to see the reaction on the guys faces. I donned my PPE (personal protective equipment), and set forth. First victim was AW. He was sitting at the computer, with his back to me. I walked up to him and said, "Boo!" He startled and exclaimed, "What the heck are you wearing?" As not to ruin the fun for Big B and LB, I quickly went out to the great room, sauntered in like nothing was any odder than usual. Yeah, well if they didn't think it already (fat chance of that), they certainly think I'm crazy now! Minnie, our 1 yr old Lab, who is very timid with strangers was very scared. And I'm her person! Even hearing my familiar voice didn't bring her around to coming within 3 feet of me!