Sunday, October 5, 2008

to be or not to be

In my earlier post I said something about "hope" in regards to nursing school being related to my life for the next two years. Does everybody go through the whole questioning what you're doing thing in regards to nursing school? To even be accepted into nursing school is a major achievement, and for many it comes after a lifetime of dreaming of being a nurse.

I don't quite think it's been a lifetime dream for me, but rather since I figured out I was worth it, and could do it....which came after getting out of the Air Force and realizing my dream. While on active duty, as a medic I worked closely with many great nurses, some not so great. I can remember thinking that I was never smart enough, or confident enough to be a nurse. Confidence is something I constantly try to achieve...daily. It comes easier with age.

So now that I've worked my butt off, to get where I'm at today, and I find myself questioning my choices, all too often. It doesn't help that I'm burned out on school...or that I would just love to be working-right now!!-bringing home the almighty paycheck.

Do I take the easy road and quit? Is it just me being lazy? Scared? What will I miss over the next two years? Baseball, games, the guys' social events, simply the chance to play a board game with them because I'm busy studying? This doesn't even take into consideration working after graduation. Many times new nurses are put on night shift...ugh. Although there are many advantages to nights, such as less bureaucracy, there's still the fact that nights are tough, especially if you're no longer a night owl. Or there are evening shifts..but that would ultimately mean missing those things I cherish.

So what will I regret more not accomplishing my dream, or missing out my kids' lives while they're still young? Or is there room for it all? Why do I second guess myself?

1 comment:

RN2B said...

Oh, I love your blog! It reminds me so much of what I went through while I was in school. :) I can't wait to go back and read more, right now I have to go to bed :(
But what I want to say is...Don't give up!! It will be all worth it! The shifts will work out, the studying will pay off and the confidence will follow all of your hard work. Put in now, b/c it will pay off!! Trust me!!