where have all the good vibes gone?

I'm feeling like nothing short of a spokesperson for a Cymbalta ad lately. Isn't that the one that says "Depression hurts...?" It's certainly not that I'm feeling pain from fibromyalgia, or diabetic nerve pain, since I have neither disease. It's more like a toss up between depression and anxiety. I'm feeling more anxiety than depression, but nonetheless I feel like doing nothing at all, at least as far as what needs to be done for my final semester of nursing school.

Shouldn't I be filled with such great amounts of exhilaration to give me the adrenaline rush that keeps me going?

I can say that I'm excited. It's not just me either. A few of my classmates are feeling the same way. It's taking a lot to get motivated to do our readings and care studies.

Care studies?

Yeah, that's a new one they've thrown at us this semester. We're not doing care plans or concept maps. The task itself seems pretty daunting overall, but then I look at it and I know once I start it won't be as bad as it seemed. The care study involves more application, and answering questions about the particular patient we choose to complete it on, than the care plan did. We don't have to fill out a chart on labs and other tests. We just have to talk about such items, and give the trends. Mine is due Monday. Have I started yet? Nope! I guess it's really no different than waiting until the last minute to do a major research paper.

GAH!

Last weekend I decided the smart thing would be to list everything that needs to be accomplished from then until the end of the semester, so I did just that. I'll be able to check the items off as I finish them.

The headaches I've been having haven't helped. I've had a couple of true migraines, and as far as the others, I think they're sinus headaches. Monday morning I noticed my right pupil was a tiny bit larger than my left. One of my classmates even confirmed it, just in case I was seeing things - no pun intended. I asked her if one of my pupils looked larger than the other. She looked and told me the right one did. It doesn't since that afternoon, but how weird is that!? Not to mention the missing or altered words...

When I'm typing I have to meticulously edit everything I type to make sure I didn't leave anything out, like the main subject. When I've spoken recently I've used a different word than what I intended on saying. For instance I was telling someone the other day that someone else had run over a cat. I said "She ran over a car." I had no idea I used the wrong word until they pointed it out to me.

Another thing that has thrown me for a loop is having to plan our own pinning ceremony and the fact that we might have to wear our ugly uniforms for the ceremony, as well as our class picture. Many of us have spoken up and said we would like to wear crisp, new, traditional whites. I'm all about the tradition, pomp and circumstance of such events. This is a special occasion. I pointed out that many of us are not attending regular graduation, so rather than the money we would spend on caps and gowns, we'll be spending it on whites to wear for the ceremony. Yes, we have to plan our own ceremony. We've been allocated $150 for refreshments and anything we need for the ceremony. Yesterday we met and got committees together for refreshments, the video and programs, flowers, etc. In years past they've used the tent that they've also used for graduation on our campus. Graduation is no longer being held on our campus, so no tent. We have to have it in the tiny common area of the main building. I don't even want to think about fire codes and maximum occupancy.

That's about all the whining I'm going to put out there today.

On a happy note, I did put in for my preceptorship. The slips were handed out last week and many of my classmates turned them in that day. It took me a little bit longer to be sure about the order I wanted to place my choices, since we're given three. I put OB first, then ER, and my third choice is OR. Speaking of the OR, I'm headed there Monday, and I find that really exciting! It's the little things. At least it's a good vibe!