Friday, April 30, 2010

admissions

My last final exam is Monday morning at 9 a.m. and I couldn't be more nervous than I am right now. I'm on the verge of a migraine. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so close to the edge. This is why I don't go to the edges of cliffs. Even thinking about doing that makes me dizzy. But, alas, here I am with an 81% in my med/surg class. We still have four items to be submitted for a grade; one of our clinical rotation grades is pending, our preceptorship packet, our preceptorship/clinical grade and the final exam. It's a mere 25% of our total grade. I haven't done the math, but figure anything less than 78 and I fail.

These last few months have been extremely trying, even more than anyone will ever know. We've continued to have problems with AW and his academic standing, as well as his behaviors. Some of it's normal teenage rebellion, some of it has gone to extremes. I shoulder a lot of it, since I feel that I'm to blame for it all since I took time away from him to go to nursing school.

I think what makes me most nervous about failing is that it will quash everything we've been through the past two years.

Stronger, Mary J. Blige


We've been through the storm, we've been through it all
We had some close calls but never would fall
We climbed all the mountains, walked through all the valleys but you never left me behind

I found my way through the clouds
No more runnin, scared, closing my eyes
I will be true this love from my heart
I'm laying my life on the line

I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

They said we wouldn't make it but guess what we made it
And we got them wondering how
You were always for me, never been the one t'hurt me
You gave me peace of mine

I found my way through the clouds
No more runnin, scared, closing my eyes
I will be true this love from my heart
I'm laying my life on the line

I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

Sometimes I can't believe that you are with me..
There's nobody lucky as me
So I get on my kness to make sure that he knows that I'm grateful for what he gave me

I will survive
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

7 comments:

nurseXY said...

A setback now doesn't invalidate the hard work you've put in. It would give you the chance to learn how important it is to you.

But you're not going to fail. You've consistently put in the time and hard work. And maybe you have an 81, but that is distinctly NOT failing!

Nursapalooza said...

egad! Stress!! We have had some serious issues w my boy and grades. Hard to fix, if they don't care, no matter the punishment!! Hang in there girlie, you are in the home stretch!

Crazed Mom said...

Don't blame yourself for your son's choices. I know it feels and ultimately we don't have control over their thinking or lack thereof. HUGS!!!!

Robyn said...

You are going to make a fantastic nurse. Because you care so much! I am praying your son will come through this OK...most do...and I'm going to be thinking of you Monday morning...you'll do great!

running wildly said...

You can do it. You can do it!

That's me giving you a virtual pep talk. ;)

aries said...

Everything will be alright. Pray for guidance coming from above :)
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Nursie In Pink said...

(((Blog Huggs))) That song is on point and indeed it will be okay! New follower and with you in spirit during your struggle.