near despair

more like near desperate.

Yeah, so...you remember that great decision I made to stick with this nursing program. (BTW--I do not care to hear any "I told you so"s--you did, but what's done is done. I still feel the need to bitch.)

I'll keep this brief as I have a care plan to work on and chapters to read.

Last week was (hopefully) the hardest week we'll have this semester. We had 8 chapters of OB to study and 2 discussion board assignments (debacles) to participate in. That's along with working on care plans, critical evaluations or whatever the rotation you are on requires. I failed the exam Monday because I didn't study as much as I should have. I know where I went wrong. It doesn't help that there was just so much to read and study about. We went from the whole birth process to include normal deliveries and everything else that can be thrown at you to the postpartum period and everything that can be thrown at you there. That's a lot of material to cover in one week.

When the teacher doesn't teach and you're pretty much teaching yourself, or learning in study groups, it makes it even more difficult. Hence the feelings of regret. We have one instructor for second year. One. We have no choice. Do you see the problem here? I think I'll be ok. I'm swimming on the surface and not drowning. I can't say the same for my whole class. There are people who dream about becoming nurses and their dreams are being ripped out from under them.

All this and life has its own drama. On my way to buy groceries the other day. (I decided, like an idiot, not to go to Quantico, but rather to try out the new Harris Teeter.) This was stupid, for one, because I spent more than I normally would--not withstanding the normal reduced prices you pay at the commissary, but there's a way better selection of new and different items. One reason I chose to go there was because of my time constraints. I figured going 15 minutes away versus 45 would help even out some of the extra money spent.

WRONG!!!

There was a huge car accident that included two fatalities. It apparently happened sometime before 7 a.m. and I went through around 8:45 and it was still backed up. Let's put it this way, when I saw the one car that had been involved I wanted to bawl. I knew it meant someone had died. That and the fact that they don't normally close high traffic roads unless there are fatalities. By the time I went through it had opened back up. A young father, who spent the night before up with his 5 day old, fell asleep at the wheel and T-boned a young mother. She was a graduate from our LPN program a couple of years ago. She left behind her 9 year old son.

Moving forward I took AW and his friends to the sakteboarding event on Saturday and they had an awesome time. I enjoyed watching it, although I'd awakened that morning with a severe headache.

Sunday was uneventful.

Monday I woke up with a migraine and had to skip the first class. I ended up taking acetaminophen and ibuprofen and was able to shower then drive myself to my local Rite Aid to have my Relpax Rx refilled. I headed to school for the exam. That's when I found out about the nurse who died in the above mentioned accident having been a graduate of our LPN program. There was a bit of sadness in the air.

Last night, here at home, I heard sirens, and at the same time was beckoning for my children to come in. LB informed me by text message that there was fire trucks and ambulances up our street. Being the nosey neighbor I am, and unable to focus on my care plan or anything else other than the local drama, I headed outside. Apparently one of our neighbors passed away after having a heart attack. What I gathered from another neighbor is the deceased drank heavily and had been in liver failure.

Today at clinicals we had near endless excitement. One of my classmates' patients threw up over 1000ml of blood and the rapid response team was called because she was going downhill PDQ. The RRT was called off after the doc got in there and assessed her.

Then about an hour or so (times could be off as I have no concept of time right now) later we actually had a code blue. The patient was resusciated. Then we could overhear one of the docs calling to notify the family and we overhear the doc saying someting to the effect of "You don't want him on the ventilator?" As the team was pulling the patient out of the room, to go to ICU, they then had to push him back in. Then evidently the family member decided the patient could be put on the ventilator temporarily. Off he went to ICU.

We got out early today so our instructor could attend the funeral for the deceased nurse. Oh yeah, during our morning session I had to step out of the room when the instructor notified us about the funeral and we talked about the accident. Come to find out the car I saw belonged to the nurse. I lost it.

Can we say madness? This is all not to mention the extreme wind blowing right now. It wouldn't be so bad but it's too nice for the A/C to be on, so our windows are open.

Ok, so this didn't turn out as brief as I'd originally intended, but now I am finished blathering at the mouth. Or should that be the keyboard?

Here's hoping for some calm...