all aglow

As I was sitting here in the great room I looked out and noticed the pre-dusk glow of the sun setting. I thought it looked pretty silhouetting my tree.

things with wings

these are a must-make...and soon!

A friend of mine posted this scrumptious recipe on Facebook a while back and I thought I'd share it here, it is all thanks to fellow blogger A Whisk and a Prayer.

I'm trying to channel the negative energy I've been consumed with lately, into some creative energy. It's a great time of year to do so, and so I've done some usual decorating. I even went so far as to buy a second tree. I've been wanting a pencil-slim tree, and finally splurged and made the purchase. Every year it'll be decorated with a theme. I almost went with a nursing theme, kind of an ode to finishing school. I was even going to tear up my old scrub pants from my school uniform and make a garland out of the strips, but decided I didn't really want to be reminded of something that's caused some major frustration and self-reflection lately - that being my dismal career. Instead, "things with wings" popped into my head. The tree has everything I could find that has wings, from angels, to birds, to bees, some ladybugs, butterlfies and dragonflies and even some jets. I tried to find a Batman toy and some other toys of the like, but didn't want to spend tons of money. I can use some of the stuff in future Christmases, but will donate the toys I did buy to a co-worker who has children. They've recently gone through some tough times, so I've been trying to think up different ways to help out where and when I can.

gobbled up

Seems I'm eating the words I last typed. Ya know the ones? The ones where I spoke of liking night shift and my schedule. Hmmph. In a lot of ways my schedule is great, but then I'm spending so much time in a zombie-like trance, and that's just not compatible with family life. That's not to mention the fact that currently I work alongside one other nurse, whereas on days I'd have more nurses to bounce thoughts and experiences off of.

Soooo...I put in a letter of intent to switch to day shift. I'll hate the early mornings, but in the end of the next three or so months I think better experience will have been gained.

I've been so neglectful of this blog and those of others. A lot has been going on in my family life and it's left me not really feeling like sharing much with too many people. A few weeks ago AW went through an ordeal that has helped him to turn over a new leaf, for the most part. That and he and LB have been spending more time together, which has proven beneficial for positivity's sake since they'd grown so far apart in more recent years. AW has really needed that connection and it's so good to see them getting along.

I've had a lot to be thankful for in light of some frustrating, if not at times dire, circumstances. It's all about growth, connections and faith.

the good fit

Finally! Finally, I'm on my regular schedule and it's basically the schedule I'd hoped for. One week I work Monday and Saturday, the next I work Sunday, Tuesday and Friday, all nights of course. It goes back and forth with this schedule, through November and I'm hoping it will stay like this for several months, at least for now. I feel like this will give me the best of both worlds. One world I'm a nurse, working and gaining experience to hopefully move on to a more preferable field of nursing, eventually. The other world I'm getting to be a mom and wife. Even during the days of the nights that I work I am able to do what needs to be done and still get my sleep. I wouldn't necessarily be able to do that on day shift without some finagling, as a friend found out recently. Our kids had half days last week and she was working on one of those days. Well, her kids needed to be at the school for their sports, and they don't drive yet. Fortunately another friend was able to help out. I didn't want to have to deal with these kinds of dileemas, so I chose nights. Part-time nights are working out great for me.

blither blather

Ok, so maybe "hate" is a strong word. I still feel pretty much the same way, though. Let's just start by saying that I'm an honest person, almost at times too honest. If one of my fellow co-workers asks me how I'm doing, how I'm liking it so far, what am I supposed to say? I'm doing great. My med passes are getting faster and faster with each pass, and I'm feeling more and more comfy caring for the residents and using my ounce of nursing judgment that I've gained over the past month or so.

That question is easy to answer. Well, so is the "How are you liking it?" if I just answer right off the cuff and honestly. I don't like it. It's not the patients, residents, whatever... It's the disorganized, utterly frustrating chaos (I live with a fair amount of chaos on a daily basis in my family life. That's not the problem.) Basic everyday chaos isn't anything I can't handle, but the kind that leaves a unit having had 16 different unit managers in 4 years, well that's a problem. There is no rhyme or reason to how forms are kept. Need a lab form? It's on the desk in a pile somewhere. Need an incident report? Try the cabinet.




The med room could be declared a local disaster area. The treatment carts? Ugh. There is no unit secretary, person in charge of supplies, wound nurse, etc.

Our job titles: "RN Charge Nurse" or "LPN Charge Nurse" and we are in charge of everything from admission to discharge. Everything. All the everything in between has little to no efficiency in the processes.

Ugh

I've even responded to an in-house posting for a Discharge Planning Assistant. (That may seem contradictory to what I just said, about nurses being in charge of discharging, but there's a lot more to it than the paperwork involved from the unit's standpoint.) I wouldn't mind staying with the facility, but this is how desperate I am to get away from the UFH (unit from hell) and for that matter, night shift isn't all that I thought it would be.

Now I'm going to go find some cheese...

must confess

I hate my job. I'm trying my hardest to make the most of it, to make it through this adjusment period in hopes of feeling better about it overall. I started nights this past week. One thing is for sure, 8-hour nights are vastly different than 12-hour nights. First, it seems to take forever for 11 p.m. to roll around, whereas with a normal 12-hour shift 7 p.m. comes much quicker. The hours seem to roll by at a decent pace. That's a blessing.

It's more about the environment I'm working in, I think, that causes me the most frustration. This became quite apparent last night. We had a patient that had just been admitted a couple of days before. I hadn't met her yet, but was on that pod (hall/wing/whatever you want to call it) last night. Her O2 levels kept desaturating when she was on BIPAP or during her neb(ulizer) treatments. She has COPD, so when she was put on a regular mask (her NC wasn't cutting it either), she was reaching into the high 80s. All the details aside, I really liked working with the management of the problems. Most of the residents/patients I'm dealing with are sleeping through the nights so there isn't much to do for them until the few and far between times they call out or it's time to pass meds.

We also have a patient who has a history of multiple cancers, and currently has multiple abdominal fistulas. I'm talking big holes from inside out. I will admit that when I first went in to watch the LPN I've been orienting with do the dressing change I became a little queasy. Then next time it needed to be done I went right in and did it as if I'd done it a million times before. It was such an awesome feeling to help this woman as I know I provided her care with dignity. She commented on how much she appreciated my attention to detail.


I really think I'd be better off in acute care...in the hospital, in the ER or on a med/surg unit (wow, didn't ever think I'd hear myself saying that, or read it), or maybe even an ICU. Bigger WOW. I certainly never would have pictured or fathomed that!

Tonight and tomorrow night I will orientate with a RN, a very seasoned RN and I look forward to it. I'm hoping she'll teach me some things and put some things into perspective. If after the next two nights I'm still frustrated I will continue to search for something else. As it is I'm interviewing at a local family practice Tuesday morning. It's a far cry from what I just spoke of, but it will be better than putting up with some of the craziness of LTC nights.

thirty

Imagine working for thirty years and all you want to do once you retire is nothing. You buy yourself a La-Z-Boy recliner, a bedpan, a urinal and hire someone to clean them daily, for $30.00 a day. You pay someone $30.00 a week to buy your groceries. Literally, you want to do nothing, well except maybe watch TV.

This past week we spent time administering flu shots to some of the residents. It was a pretty arduous process; very different from when I did the mass flu shot clinic when I was in the Air Force. Then we didn't need doctor's orders, patient consent, etc. They lined up and we stuck them. Wam bam, thank you ma'am! In a long term care facility it's a bit different. You are required to have the orders, consent and hands that don't tire from all the other documentation.

As we're moving along I go into a resident's room. I didn't exit until 30 minutes later when another nurse came in and saved me. Evidently this particular resident is one of those, that when you are planning to go in you plan to tell someone to save you in about 10 minutes. He's not only lonely, but from what I hear he can also be quite...grumpy. From what I hear it borders on abusive. I wasn't abused. He told me all about how he ended up "incarcerated", his views on war, politics, religion and "the jokers" (the MDs who have cared for him since his incarceration, which is actually what he calls his life in the LTC facility).

Every time he needed them a rescue squad would come pick him up, and he'd pay them $30.00 even if they refused. He has no family. No one visits him.

His existence is a sad one. Who am I to judge, though? What will I take from my 30 minutes? A deeper appreciation for those I do have around me - that and I may have given him 30 minutes of joy he doesn't often know anymore, just by listening.

now just green behind the gills

Today I was left wondering if I'd made the right choice in becoming a nurse. Or rather, it was more like....what the hell have I gotten myself into!?!

Last week there was a certain level of comfort, just sitting at a table, watching DVD movies on topics such as infection control and dementia. This week we're branching out a bit. Today we set out with "rounds sheets", which are a checklist of things that are supposed to be done in a shift. Many items are particular to each resident (O2 tubing changed and dated, A.M. care provided, etc.) and then there are such items as making sure the med cart is locked when you walk away from it.

As I'm walking around I come across a resident who complains of dizziness. She tells me that she gets dizzy in the mornings and it usually resolves as the day goes on. I go and tell her nurse who then asks me to get orthostatic vital signs on her. I didn't even think to do that. I suck. And I'm going to take care of your grandmother or grandfather!?! I'm so worried about the stupid checklist I can't even fathom to think critically.

A career switch to graphic arts doesn't so bad right now.

seeing green

Soooo, this week has been spent in orientation. I've gone from a job where I basically had no training to one where we're being oriented to the facility and there will be tons of training. I'm loving it. The facility I'm working at - orienting at - is owned by a parent corporation and I like it. I guess you can take the girl out of the military, but there's just some military-type things you can't take out of the girl. I will have no problem working for a facility that actually has their shit together. We shall nickname it the HRC (health and rehab). Once I'm done with orientation I will be on nights, working on the rehab unit.

So far it's been a bunch of training videos. You know the ones, infection control, HIPAA, blah, blah, blah. We're also having to do computer modules for CEUs. We've helped out in the dining room for lunch. It's kind of scary to me, since I don't know the residents and their needs. I'm learning though. That's one thing I like about going through orientation is it gives wiggle room to learn the ins and outs.

I actually had to buy new scrubs for this job, after just having bought the scrubs for the PO. They're what I've been wearing temporarily, but we are required to wear hunter green or white everyday, but Fridays, at which time we're allowed to wear our choice.

In family news I ended up taking both boys in to be seen last week. LB was treated for strep throat. AW has been having trouble staying awake at school for the past couple of years and evidently high school is anymore stimulating than middle school was, or so that was the thought process. Recently, as he was sleeping downstairs on the couch, I had the occasion to hear him snore like a...beast. It occured to me that maybe it was time to see if it was more than teenageritis. We ended up doing a sleep study the night we saw his PCP. As it turns out, the kid has sleep apnea. Poor thing! Soooo, we're dealing with that. We just went yesterday (had to leave orientation early) to have his x-rays done to assess his adenoids. Hopefully we'll hear soon as to what we do next.