where have all the good vibes gone?

I'm feeling like nothing short of a spokesperson for a Cymbalta ad lately. Isn't that the one that says "Depression hurts...?" It's certainly not that I'm feeling pain from fibromyalgia, or diabetic nerve pain, since I have neither disease. It's more like a toss up between depression and anxiety. I'm feeling more anxiety than depression, but nonetheless I feel like doing nothing at all, at least as far as what needs to be done for my final semester of nursing school.

Shouldn't I be filled with such great amounts of exhilaration to give me the adrenaline rush that keeps me going?

I can say that I'm excited. It's not just me either. A few of my classmates are feeling the same way. It's taking a lot to get motivated to do our readings and care studies.

Care studies?

Yeah, that's a new one they've thrown at us this semester. We're not doing care plans or concept maps. The task itself seems pretty daunting overall, but then I look at it and I know once I start it won't be as bad as it seemed. The care study involves more application, and answering questions about the particular patient we choose to complete it on, than the care plan did. We don't have to fill out a chart on labs and other tests. We just have to talk about such items, and give the trends. Mine is due Monday. Have I started yet? Nope! I guess it's really no different than waiting until the last minute to do a major research paper.

GAH!

Last weekend I decided the smart thing would be to list everything that needs to be accomplished from then until the end of the semester, so I did just that. I'll be able to check the items off as I finish them.

The headaches I've been having haven't helped. I've had a couple of true migraines, and as far as the others, I think they're sinus headaches. Monday morning I noticed my right pupil was a tiny bit larger than my left. One of my classmates even confirmed it, just in case I was seeing things - no pun intended. I asked her if one of my pupils looked larger than the other. She looked and told me the right one did. It doesn't since that afternoon, but how weird is that!? Not to mention the missing or altered words...

When I'm typing I have to meticulously edit everything I type to make sure I didn't leave anything out, like the main subject. When I've spoken recently I've used a different word than what I intended on saying. For instance I was telling someone the other day that someone else had run over a cat. I said "She ran over a car." I had no idea I used the wrong word until they pointed it out to me.

Another thing that has thrown me for a loop is having to plan our own pinning ceremony and the fact that we might have to wear our ugly uniforms for the ceremony, as well as our class picture. Many of us have spoken up and said we would like to wear crisp, new, traditional whites. I'm all about the tradition, pomp and circumstance of such events. This is a special occasion. I pointed out that many of us are not attending regular graduation, so rather than the money we would spend on caps and gowns, we'll be spending it on whites to wear for the ceremony. Yes, we have to plan our own ceremony. We've been allocated $150 for refreshments and anything we need for the ceremony. Yesterday we met and got committees together for refreshments, the video and programs, flowers, etc. In years past they've used the tent that they've also used for graduation on our campus. Graduation is no longer being held on our campus, so no tent. We have to have it in the tiny common area of the main building. I don't even want to think about fire codes and maximum occupancy.

That's about all the whining I'm going to put out there today.

On a happy note, I did put in for my preceptorship. The slips were handed out last week and many of my classmates turned them in that day. It took me a little bit longer to be sure about the order I wanted to place my choices, since we're given three. I put OB first, then ER, and my third choice is OR. Speaking of the OR, I'm headed there Monday, and I find that really exciting! It's the little things. At least it's a good vibe!

say what!?

So I was sitting at my computer desk the other day doing various things computerish. After a few moments pass AW joins me in the room, sits down at the kids' computer desk, and proceeds to log on to the 'net.

He then speaks up, after apparently seeing the news on Yahoo's home page, and says "Huh, hotty had an earthquake".

I still want to burst out into a fit of raging laughter when I think about it. At the time I calmly replied "Haiti".

This brings me to words that are either mispronounced or are pronounced differently from how we are used to them being pronounced.

My memory on this was sparked over at This Will Only Hurt A Bit when she talks about her instructor mispronouncing the word "parenteral".

In my program the one word that I'm sure my classmates and I have all heard (mis?)pronounced has been "centimeters". We have two or three instructors we have heard pronounce it "sont-imeters".

I don't know if it's a case of "to-may-toes or to-mah-toes", or what!

eleven

I just knew it! Going on last year's pinning day and date, last semester I predicted that ours would be Tuesday of Nurse's Week in May, 2010, to follow suit. My instructor dashed my prediction when she informed us that our pinning would be Wednesday, May 12th. Fine, whatever, as the most important thing is the day itself and not the hidden nuances I might feel about the date, rather the number.

Yesterday she told us that we will in fact be pinned May 11th, 2010.

The number eleven didn't hold any significance, for me, until 2003. I call it my "eleven prophecy". That year and ever since then, there have been a number of times where the number eleven has popped up in one way or another.

That year was mine and Big B's 11th wedding anniversary. Prior to our anniversary, on August 11th, I found out I was pregnant. I miscarried September 11th (not a great day all around). If I were to have had the baby he or she would have been born sometime around LB's 11th birthday. No, I wasn't eleven weeks along, just a mere 8.

Little things here and there happen centered around the number eleven. Often times when I look at the clock it is 11 past the hour.

My mother's birthday is June 11th, and my father's is in November, the eleventh month.

My birthday is 01/30/1971. 1+3+1+9+7+1=22 What is half that number? Speaking of 22, that's how old I was when I had LB. Twenty-two is a multiple of eleven.

If I sat here long enough I could think of all of the other coincidences.

One of the biggest would be, I started my last semester of nursing school January 11th and will be pinned May 11th.

Now I must end here, and go take care of some reading and schoolwork or that last tidbit won't necessarily come true!

t minus 35 hours

syllabi...check!

new shoes...check!

new supplies...check!

nervous energy...check!

This coming Monday morning I start my fourth and final semester of nursing school.

This gives me pause.

Do you know how it feels to be so close to something you've wanted for so long? Do you have any idea how scarey it is to think that in just over four months nursing school will be behind you and after studying for, and passing (only positive thinking allowed here) boards, you will be in the real world of nursing, and totally accountable for your actions?

Let's slow down a bit here before I burst a blood vessel! In looking at the syllabi and the class and clinical schedules it seems we'll be pretty busy. It doesn't look like it will be as intense as last semester, or at least promises to be a different level of intensity. Aside from learning more core information, such as cardio, respiratory, and the other systems we've only briefly touched on, we'll also be learning about the world of professional nursing. That is we'll be preparing for the J.O.B.

The first nine weeks we spend doing clinicals. They're set in three week rotations. the first three weeks my group and I will be in the skilled unit of the rehabilitation and nursing facility incorporated with the hospital we do regular rotations at. The second set of three weeks we go to the medical floor, and the third set we go to the surgical floor. Our groups are larger this semester, as we have only three groups instead of four. There will be days we'll go to other units and areas for observational learning. I hope to go to the ED a couple of times.

After the first nine weeks we have Spring Break. Once we return from SB we start Sims lab, a group project, we'll each spend one day at the LTCs with the first year students as mentors, and we take the comprehensive predictor for ATI. Those projects take up two weeks after which we do our preceptorship. I'm still sort of uncertain as to where I want to precept.

I've finally admitted - out loud - recently, that I do have a heart for women's health and would love to do labor and delivery. I can see myself going for an advanced degree as a NP in WH or maybe even midwifery. My ambivalence stems partially from how we are sorted into our preceptorships. They do it by GPA and the reasoning is because it is "more fair" for the LPN transition students. At first this made sense to me, but after some thought I'm not so sure about this. They come into the program with a wealth of knowledge that many regular students do not. This gives them a leg up, so to speak, and doesn't it make sense that they would, or at least should, naturally attain higher GPAs due to their prior experience?

Because I have only taken nursing classes at this college, and all other credits came in as transfer credit, my overall GPA isn't as high as if it would be if some of those prior As and Bs I've received were factored in. I have made all As and Bs in this program, but because some of the nursing classes weigh heavily, some having nine credits a piece, a B suddenly doesn't carry much weight. This past semester I received a B in my 9 credit class, a B in the 3 credit class, and an A in the 2 credit class. Overall I think my GPA rounds up to a 3.2. I just don't get it.

Needless to say I doubt that puts me at the top of the list for the family birthing center if many are vying for the location.

Then the trauma junkie in me just wants to go to the ED. For that I think it's imperative I get a few days of observational learning in the ED.

During these last weeks we'll also be working on our professional portfolios as well as all the other hullabaloo. On one of the class schedules the last two weeks say "graduation preparation". With that I just have to take a deep breath and look forward to everything I'll be taking part in until then.

I'll start with a huge cleansing breath...

**On a side note I'd like to thank everyone who reads my blog. In particular, an anonymous person commented a few posts ago that my blog has gotten "...better and better...." I would love to know who typed the kind words that they did. I would love to know who reads my blog. Lurkers come out! I truly do appreciate the support!**

dropping the ball

The family plan for several weeks, if not a little over a month, was to go to Times Square for New Year's Eve. When Big B first suggested it I simply acquiesced to his plan thinking it would probably never pan out. No, it was more like hoped his plan wouldn't come to fruition. Instead, as time went on I talked myself into going thinking it was something I really wanted to do.

I can remember sitting in English class back in 1999, when I first started college, and one of my classmates was telling me he and his friends were planning on going to New York City for New Year's Eve. I told him they were crazy. How could they possibly want to go into all that craziness?? I'd watched enough Dick Clark specials in my then 28 years to know that it was bedlum in Times Square on New Year's Eve.

Why the change in thought? A lot has changed in the past ten years. For one, we're not dealing with the impending doom that was foreseen with Y2K. Secondly, I've evolved over the past ten years. Some people may grow more cautious with age. I've learned how to not be so uptight.

For nearly ten years I've had a stronghold on my children's NYE activities. Paranoia can do that. Let's face it though, if we make family plans to go somehwere for NYE then I don't have to worry about either child, especially the 16 year old, while they're out with friends doing God only knows what.

LB and AW were both against going to New York, at first. We told them they would both be able to bring a friend. This didn't bring about much agreement from LB. He even conducted a poll at school asking his friends if their parents told them they were going to Times SQ for New Year's Eve would they want to go. According to him everybody said they'd rather go to parties with friends (which is what he had envisioned doing - conveniently his friends' stories matched what he wanted.) I never received any hardcopy statistics. I doubt his results were reliable or valid.

Somehow both boys came around to the whole idea. Unfortunately, the one friend AW invited was unable to go. LB asked two friends and the second friend was the one who won the grand trip.

After three semesters of nursing school, with a summer semester of 8 credits mixed in, I've been left with great need to let loose, step outside my comfort zone, and just have some fun. We didn't get to take any sort of family vacation this summer. The only time we got away at all was our trip up to NJ this summer for Big B's uncle's funeral. I doubt that's anyone's idea of rest and recuperation.

Why not go do something totally fun and outrageous? As I thought about the idea I pushed the fact that I have mild claustrophobia to the back of mind. Denial comes in handy when you think you want to do something totally fun and outrageous.

Not only all of that, how could I burst my husband's bubble? That's an ironic question because that's basically what ended up happening.

We packed up the car, our family plus one, the dogs and our bags. Wednesday afternoon we made the drive north to New Jersey. We spent the evening with my brother-in-law and his family. Thursday morning we got up and headed out around lunch time. We'd been warned that we wouldn't be able to use the bathroom while waiting for the ball to drop so we decided to have lunch prior to going to the train station. Then we made our way to the station and were on board riding to NYC with excitement in the air.

We arrived at Penn Station and made our way to Times SQ. By the time we got to our final spot it was around 4 p.m. It was already somewhat chaotic. You arrive at an entry point where the NYPD has sawhorse barriers or metal rails cordoning off specific areas. In succession they let large groups of people in closer to the center of the action. The earlier you get there the better spot you'll end up at. We'd arrived in the area around 3 p.m.

When they let the groups move it becomes truly chaotic with people trying to push past other people through a maybe two foot opening in the barriers. Meanwhile the officers are yelling at people to stop pushing with little success. We got in and finally ended up at what was a great vantage point for the stage where performances are held. Like I mentioned before we arrived at our spot around 4 and there we stood, packed in like sardines. Everyone to my front, right and behind me was taller than me. Big B was to my right, with AW kind of back behind him. The two older boys were behind the couple that was standing behind us. This frustrated me as I wanted them by me. They didn't care though. To my left was an Italian family and the women kept pushing into me. I withstood this for about an hour to an hour and a half.


Then it occured to me how much longer I would have to withstand my aggravating surroundings. I started panicking. My feet and back were already hurting. AW was irritated and bored and it seemed that LB and his friend were as well. After a bit of pleading I agreed to go to the adjacent McDonald's. Big B decided to stay, so the rest of us headed into the warmth. Yeah, forgot to mention it was pretty cold. The surrounding body heat helped some, but only a little, especially once drkness descended. (Not that it was dark in the area with all the lights, but the sun had set.) We went in, ordered and then went upstairs and thawed out while resting our feet (and my back). The intent was to try and stay in there as long as possible.

No can do.

We probably stayed longer than many, because I don't think the teenagers who were manning the second level felt up to telling adults that they needed to leave. As it was it wasn't incredibly packed.

We sat in there for about an hour and a half. We couldn't sit there much longer with boredom setting in and we knew at some point we would be kicked out. Out we went. We attempted to stand nearby for a bit, as I was trying to text Big B. Then a police officer came up and told us we needed to move along. I told him we were detached from my husband, and he asked if we needed to get back in. Rather then reinsert us where we had been we had the officer pull Big B out and he sent us to the next section.

So long story shortened, we were beat. All the other sections were full and we weren't getting back into the section we had been in.

We walked around for a bit, Big B seemingly dejected, the two older boys yapping about how they didn't want to leave - they were just doing what I told them to do, the ego-centric 13 year old asking to go into a gift shop so he could get a NY Yankees hat (as if he's a fan of baseball, let alone the Yankees), and me feeling utterly horrible.

If you could have seen the look on Big B's face, you know the look - the one that will be forever engrained into my memory - you would understand how badly I feel.

it's a jumble in there!

Do you ever feel like you've lost your spirit? Your spunk? For me, I think it was the day I went to the ER. (See previous post.) I had been on a roll, as things were moving along just fine. The crazy semester was coming to a fulfilling sense of closure and then WHAM!!

It's kind of like my bubble had been burst. Sure, I didn't like having three days of finals, even if it was working out in my favor. I would have been just fine having two on Tuesday and finishing then. As it was, Tuesday afternoon and evening afforded the opportunity to do some last minute studying, if one chose to do so. One didn't do as much as one could have, but this isn't about what could have or should have been.

This is about an overwhelming sense of, well I don't really want to say depression because it sounds too harsh, so I'll call it a case of the blahs. I mean come on, it's the holidays. I should innately feel joyful and filled with the Christmas spirit! Shouldn't I feel that way? I have, but only in brief spurts.

It doesn't help that I reminisce back to last year and succumb to sadness. My mom and dad came out for Christmas last year and I can remember being elated and eager to do all sorts of holiday-type things. I baked dozens of cookies, decorated, cleaned, etc. all in preparation of their arrival. This year it was just the guys and I. Saying "just" makes it seem like I wasn't pleased to spend time solely with my nuclear family, but I am. It's hard when you're surrounded by friends, neighbors and acquaintances that are surrounded by their family.

It doesn't help that I not only lost my rhythm with the ER visit, but was also devastated by the Blizzard of '09.

Yes, I truly dislike snow. It's only appropriate on Christmas Day and even then anything more than 2-3 inches is 1-2 inches more than enough.

Of course this record breaking storm had to happen the weekend Big B and I had planned our first holiday party. We were looking forward to it so much. He'd invited some co-workers he's befriended, and I'd invited my classmates and of course our friends. It was going to be a blast! We didn't plan for it to be a stuffy gathering by any means. We just wanted to celebrate the season and I was looking forward to celebrating the end of the semester with my classmates.


We were pummeled with two feet of the fluffy white stuff. It was ridiculous.
Seriously.

As it was LB and AW had slept over at friends' houses that Friday, when it started, and ended up snowed in with those families. Everyone knew it was coming by then, so no one minded having extra kids. The one family not only had LB, but another friend as well.

Anyway, the party was to be "adults only" so it would have been perfect if only the two feet of snow hadn't crippled the region. I mean the boys may or may not have spent the weekend with their friends' families anyway. It happens. I've had kids stay for whole weekends before.

One couple - of the approximately 30 or so people who were supposed to show up - showed up. They had somewhat of an ulterior motive. Their daughter is dating the boy who lives behind us. Once the snow happened they told her they weren't going to come to the party, and therefore weren't going to take her to her boyfriends house. Then cabin fever set in and they decided to make the trek. So the "party" wasn't a total wash, but it wasn't anywhere near what I'd expected. We did have fun just hanging out as Big B victimized us by "forcing" us to watch his newest obsession, The Hangover. Hilarious as the movie may be, movies aren't my idea of party entertainment. It was only the four of us though. We all laughed and had a good time.

I still can't shake the blahs. This morning I did awaken widely at the oddly early hour of 5 a.m. in a pretty good mood. It's odd because I am on break and should be sleeping at such hours! Yet, here I am blogging.

Last year, amidst my cleaning, I had done some seriously thorough cleaning and reorganizing in the house. This year, not so much. Yesterday I did tackle the mail-catch-all basket. I do plan to do a major overhaul of my bedroom and would like to repaint LB's room. There are two more weeks of break, so we shall see if I can get into the swing of things and let the promise of a new, exciting year ahead motivate me into some major action.

I suppose it would be a good idea to get out of the jumble that is in my head and stop the over-thinking. It's time to relax for gosh sakes!

it's been a gas

Friday, December 18th, 2009
How unbelievable it is that the time has flown by like it has since I last posted.

This has the potential to be a very long post.

I can't blame the time entirely for my lack of posting. It seems this semester nearly got the best of me, that and I've had a bit of a blogger's block. There's been a time or two that I've signed on intending to post, but have been left with nothing to say. That's partly due to the fact that those few times when I had a slight opportunity, I ended up riddled with guilt...shouldn't I be studying??

The semester ended officially for me yesterday when I went and took my last final exam. Our finals were scheduled for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I will get to why I didn't take my Wednesday final until Thursday a bit later. For now I'll go over some highlights of the past few months.

Our semester was split up into four week rotations for each clinical experience. The first week we had orientation, and the second week my group was split up and added to other groups since there was a lack of instructors/clinical opportunities for that week. The first day we weren't able to do anything because we didn't have access codes. This left us coming in late the second day, as they weren't going to have the codes until after 8 a.m. I was so very nervous that day, knowing we would start patient care. It intimidated me to no end.

The next two weeks my group were "orphaned" as it had come to be known when a certain group was not on a regular rotation, but would instead be placed into one day spurts of observation in a variety of different clinical areas. This happened because the opportunity at the other community hospital we were all supposed to go to fell through.

My group did get to go. The first day we spent at the long term care facility. We toured it and then ended up in the Alzheimer's unit playing balloon volleyball with some of the residents. We actually left around 10:30 a.m. because there was nothing left for us to do. It wasn't intended that we would do any patient care that day. The second day we actually went to the hospital side. I spent the morning in the ER, which I loved tremendously. I saw some really interesting cases.

The following week I went to a local surgery center, which I loved, and then for my second clinical day that week I went to the local wound care center...not much love was felt for that place. (Some of this is repetitive from previous posts, but I figure I'll just bring everything up-to-date, adding in more details with the more recent experiences.)

Next we went to one of our first regular rotations, a medical floor that has patients with cardiac, respiratory and other conditions warranting telemetry. Once again I was nervous those first couple of days. By the fourth week I was a little more comfortable. I'd taken care of patients with COPD, CHF, DM with exacerbations of other problems mainly related to neuropathies. The instructor was an incredible teacher. By the end of that rotation we all wanted a pocket version of her to carry on with us in our future endeavors. She offered encouragement, constructive criticism, and just an overall rewarding experience.

Our next rotation was spent on the medical/surgical floor. My first patient on that floor had a vertebral compression fracture, after a fall in her kitchen. I took care of her both days that week.


Monday, December 21st, 2009
And there you have it. I lost the oomph to post any longer in mid-paragraph.

Let's see if I can finish this up and then maybe I'll be able to post in the future without any problems.

All in all I had some good basic experiences during my two middle rotations. Our last rotation was the one I was most excited about. After working OBGYN back in my Air Force days I feel a ceratin draw to women's health.

My whole group was elated upon the start of our family birthing center rotation. Our first day I spoke up and told our instructor that I had been in on c-sections before so she assigned my four classmates to the two cases that were scheduled that morning. I went in on an induction. It was an easy, breezy day. The nurse I shadowed was awesome to work with. She taught well, and I was able to assist her with a couple of procedures. During one procedure I helped her with a newborn blood draw on a little guy that was having slight problems. The second day I spent with a younger nurse, who actually let me dive in and do some admission charting on our induction for that day.

I loved the mom from that day. She was terrified, and I found that to be a nice change from the mom who is all excited about giving birth and her new baby. This woman was in tears and I felt so bad for her. She wasn't incredibly young, and was not only absolutely terrified of needles, but of the whole experience. It was interesting to be a part of that dynamic. Because the hospital was having special visiting hours, due to H1N1 procedures, when normally there are no visiting hours, she had to receive special permission to have both her baby's daddy and her mom in with her. It was the first time I saw an epidural insertion, and I inserted her Foley. She startled with everything that was done to her. One could barely touch her without her panicking.

The following week was Thanksgiving week, so we didn't have clinicals.

The week after I saw my first (and only) vaginal delivery. I didn't only see it, I got to be right there in the thick of it. I helped mom breathe and I held back her right leg. I absolutely loved being in there. This mom was giving birth to her 6th baby and she came in as an induction with a history of precipitous deliveries. This one didn't go that quickly, but it went quickly enough for one of my classmates and I to be in on it. We were with her the next day as well as with another induction, of which we thought we just might see the delivery, but it didn't happen before we left. She was a primigravida, was progressing nicely, but just not nice enough for us to see it happen. The following Wednesday we missed because of "inclement" weather. That Thursday there was nothing going on so we left early and went to IHOP for brunch with our instructor. By this point none of us minded too terribly since finals were lurking in the near distance. One of the nurses who has taken on the role as one of the bereavement nurses did give us a little impromptu inservice on their bereavement procedures before we left. Although it's a depressing subject, I coudn't help but find it incredibly interesting.

As this semester came to an end I found myself wishing I'd had more experiences to learn from, but being in a small community hospital I was left with a decent amount considering.

This past week was finals week. A couple of my classmates and I got together a few times to study and prepare for what we thought would surely be our demise. We were extremely nervous for our exams, since the volume of material was horrendoues and we didn't have much to go on as far as focus. Monday was the OB/peds final and I got a B, and ended up with a B in the class. Tuesday was the health assessment final, on which I got a B and ended up with an A in the class. Yay me! So far the finals were good exams, surprisingly. They were fair and not as monstrous as we thought they'd be.

Then came Wednesday. Oh, the exam that day wasn't all that bad...from what I hear. I didn't end up getting to take it that day. Instead I took a trip to our local ER!

Prepare for some TMI...

I awakened at 2 a.m. to urinate, and then went back to bed. At this point I started passing gas, and decided to get up for what must be nature's need to expel waste. Nothing major, just your run-of-the-mill regular ole BM. Surprisingly, I am able go back to sleep. At 6 a.m. the alarm goes off and I start my morning routine. Each morning the girls are fed and then let out for their morning consitutionals. After that I make myself a cup of coffee and/or some sort of breakfast. I sit down at my computer where I check emails, Facebook, banking, etc. As I'm sitting there...here...I start getting this 10/10 type pain in my right side...forget quadrants...it's the whole right side pretty much. I decide maybe nature is calling again and sure enough I have diarrhea. I go back to sit down and am unable to sit. I've had this pain before and usually I just go lie down on my left side, on the couch for a few minutes and it goes away. The pain may return once during the same spell, but usually no more. By this point it's around 7 a.m., and the boys have left for school while I'm lying there on the couch.

I knew I had to get up and get going because I had my final at 9 a.m. for gosh sakes! I head upstairs, and only make it up to go lie down on my bed, once again on my left side. After a bit I'm better so I take a shower. I've tried calling my neighbor who lives across the street, to no avail, so I press on with readying myself for the end of my semester. Nope, no can do. Too much pain.

For me, my worst pain has been my attacks of cholecystitis, and giving birth naturally both times. These are my 10/10s. As the pain I am experiencing is right up there with those other pain experiences, and it won't go away, I know I am not going to be able to drive myself to school. It was all I could do to get my panties, sweatpants, and shirt on. I knew I had to clothe myself as I didn't want to be naked for anyone who was going to have to come help me. That's what it was coming down to. I had to get help.

We don't have a normal keylock on our front door. We have a keypad where you punch in a code that unlocks the deadbolt. So I know that I have to go downstairs and unlock it, and just be down there for my rescuer(s).

I hobble my way downstairs, unlock the door, and commence to lying on the couch. By now my neighbor has called me back and I ask if she can take me to the ER. I call Big B and tell him what's going on, amidst tears, and email him my neighbor's cell phone number on my BlackBerry. It seemed like a lifetime before my neighbor came over to get me, but by this point a friend of hers had shown up and they were going to take me in her car. This was a saving grace, because otherwise I would have had to sit up in my neighbor's Corvette. Instead I was able to lie on my left side in the back of my neighbor's friend's car as they sped me to the local hospital.

They get me signed in and have contacted Big B, who is on his way. I thank the neighbor and her friend and send them on their way. The nurse who took care of me started an IV line, drew labs, and gave me an IV push of Toradol. Of course by this point I am no longer having the 10/10 pain. It's more like 3/10. I'm more worried about my final exam that I'm about to miss and the fact that my semester is going to have to be prolonged. They take me back to radiology where two films of my abdomen are taken, and then they wheel me back to my room to wait.

One of my classmates, who has become a great friend, has taken her exam and called me by now and she comes for a visit. She stayed with me until Big B shows up, and then the fun really began. He has low tolerance for hospitals. Thank heavens for the diversion a TV can create.

I lie there awaiting any word from the doctor, and Big B finds People's Court to keep him busy. Finally the doctor comes in and informs me that my labs came back perfectly normal, but he did see a huge amount of gas in my large intestine. He said spasms from the gas caused the pains. By this point the nurse had come in and given me Senokot and Maaalox, so I knew it was going to have something to do with my digestive system. Surely a small bowel obstruction would be what was keeping me from the sheer feeling of joy and accomplishment that comes with the end of a college semester.

No, I had gas. I didn't take my final final exam regularly scheduled with my classmates because I had gas.

Some girls have all the luck!

As it turned out I was able to go Thursday morning, and complete my exam...and put an end to what was a very challenging semester. I really couldn't even tell you what I got on the exam, because by the time I checked that evening all I cared about was my final grade for the class...a B.

There you have it. My third semester of nursing school will always be remembered as ending with extreme pain caused by gas, as if it hadn't been a big enough pain in the butt already!

MTTBTF

Many things to be thankful for...


Big B's been sick with what I believe was most likely H1N1, and he is now feeling better.

Since he's feeling better I was able to sleep in my bed, with him, last night.

I'm on Thanksgiving Break, and even though we still have to study it's been nice not to have to get up and go, go, go.

Aside from Big B's bout with H1N1 everyone in my family is pretty healthy and alive for this holiday season.

Although my sons have given Big B and I a lot of stress lately they're still great kids.

We have a roof over our heads, the love of many, and a paycheck that provides us with our needs, and a few wants.

Our pets are all still alive and scampering, kicking, running and licking. This time next year I may not be able to say that about DC. He's extremely thin, but is no apparent pain. He'll even still play with a string or pipe cleaner if you put it in front of him.

This semester is almost over. After this week it's just two weeks until finals!

I'm passing...so far.




I could go on forever, because I do feel blessed. That being said I do want to keep the "I'm passing" part!

where have all the babies gone???

Two days at the family birthing center and I don't get to see any birthing! harumph! Ok, so there's five of us in my clinical group and since I was the one who admitted to having seen a c-section before the other four were split up and went in on two different c-sections. I went in on an induction. Of course the baby couldn't make an appearance on my time. I did get to hang antibiotics, and assisted the nurse I was working with on a blood draw on one of the other newborns. At least I got to touch a baby! He was a trooper about being stuck. From one of the c-sections came a macrosomic infant who was incredibly cute. Normally the babies are kept with the moms, but this one was having some neuro deficits. We were able to go into the nursery and watch the nurse care for her. She was later transported to another facility. That was all Wednesday.

Yesterday, still nada. I came close to seeing a delivery, but it was time to go (1 p.m.) and I hadn't eaten since 6 a.m. so I chose to go, although I could have stayed. She probably delivered within the hour after I left. This was the patient I worked with along with the nurse I was assigned to, so I was able to push her Stadol and Phenergan, as well as insert her Foley.

Next week we only have classes on Monday, including a test in OB/peds. We don't have our Tuesday class or clinicals. I hope the last two weeks of clinicals will be extremely eventful and that I get to see at least 1 c-section and a couple of vaginal deliveries. It's a small community hospital, so I can't expect hoards of laboring women.

As soon as I finish posting I'll be heading upstairs to study for a bit. This afternoon Big B and I are picking AW and his GF up from school and heading out on a double-date to see New Moon. The rest of the weekend will be spent studying, as usual!

Three weeks until finals!

the reason I'm going to end up an AA member by the time my youngest graduates HS

So you understand fully my impending need for AA (I am just kidding about a future need for AA--for the most part). The first paragraph explains a status message post I'd made on Facebook about some things parents should never have to go through.

The status message: Things no parent should have to go thru: hearing "I hate you", but a 13 yr old will say it as easily as 7 year old; seeing disappointment on your child's face when they strike out, miss a goal, or are told by a "friend" that they aren't invited to a party (one they had been invited to); really bad hair cuts that you spent $ on; stitches to that baby's face; or 2 a.m. phone calls from the local sheriff's department...

LB received stitches twice when he was little, on his face both times. AW has recently told me he hates me, but he was saying it out of anger. LB plays baseball and even the best Bball players strike out. AW played soccer and missed a goal or two--it happens. LB was the one disinvited to a friends party by a "friend". He was also the one who got the bad 'do. Told the lady to take a 1/4" off, she took it down to a 1/4"!! He doesn't do buzz cuts well!

I have to laugh, which may seem demented. I remember me as a teenager though, and let's just say "payback's a bitch" :

This is THE STORY from last weekend, 11/7/09:
AW is at home grounded, so no sleepovers for him. Meanwhile LB is out with LW, supposed to be spending the night at A and A S's house. We get a phone call, about 2 a.m. asking if we own a car, plates blah, blah. I'm overhearing Big B confirm that "...yes, that is our car...", and of course you know the first thing that comes to my mind--LB had been in an accident. Nope, it was just illegally parked on *** Rd. The S's live in "one town", back behind the library--nowhere near *** Rd!!!! I get on AT&T Family Map, which is kind of like GPS and I have it locate LB. It says he's at the S's house. Mhmm.

So Big B and I make our way to *** Rd, meanwhile I'm calling MW, LW's mom, to let her know the situation. We get to *** Rd and low and behold there near a house, tucked in amongst trees, is LB's car. We drive up a lil further and notice the multiple cars at the house. We both get out and go up to the house. Mind you we both just rolled out of bed. I am wearing no makeup, hair's a mess, wearing turquoise lounge pants with huge siamese cats on them, with a red sweatshirt, my coat and my torn up slippers. Some kid opens the door and Big B asks for LB. He also tells the kids that the cops are out there (they weren't, at least at this point ), and it was sudden mayhem--kids darting out for their cars like bats out of hell. So LB comes up, then LW, and of course they've been drinking (which the fact that kids left-possibly drunk disturbs me).

They're both basically shitting their pants, with their tails between their legs. I agree to take LW home. On the way both boys beg to go to jail, cuz they didn't want to face the parental music. Big B took LB's car, after we'd left. Evidently the kid who's house it was did get busted cuz the deputy did show up and Big B told him about the party. I guess they'd originally been by because of noise complaints and that's how they found the car. We get to the LW's house and all 3 of us get out and go in.

Their tails are stuck so far up between their legs they'd probably have wagged out their mouths. LB apologizes to LW's parents, and LW to me. They're both, at this point, shouldering the blame. They're both old enough, LW being nearly 18 and LB nearly 17, to make wise, or dumb, decisions all on their own.

LB's phone was at the S's. He admitted it was partly due to the tracking thing. It's still in LW's car. He'll be riding the bus this week, at least, and has no phone. Hope he doesn't get it taken away after LW gives it to him at school and he attempts to check the zillion msgs that are bound to be on it! Boys are so dumb. I say that, but I did some pretty dumb stuff at his age too, though. AA here I come!

This is THE STORY about my middle schooler:
On 11/11/09 I had Mrs. D, Mr. C (AW's math seminar teacher), Mrs. M, Mrs. R's long-term sub AND Mrs. H (AW's art teacher) in AW's PT conference. Yes, even the art teacher had to get involved. He's still, or was still, missing assignments. He was supposed to have Saturday school and this time we were going to make him go, but now it's cancelled because of the power outage. [Due to weather we had from Ida, the school had a "partial power outage".] He's a great kid and they don't have a problem with utter disrespect. It's all hyperactive behavior or, a new one...he zones out. Yeah, this is a first. At least two of the teachers said he looks like he's paying attention in class, they call on him to answer a quesiton and he's all "Huh? What?" That blew me away, because I'm sitting there thinking geez, is he smoking pot or something??

Basically what it comes down to(not everything is included here, no one has that much time!), and I agree, he's exhibiting ADHD type behaviors.

He asks to go to the bathroom all the time. If they let him go he's observed wondering back from other areas...he's wondering the halls aimlessly. He even admitted, in front of the sub, (she overheard him tell a friend) that he does it to get out of class. His story--it doesn't happen as much as they say.

In the end, because Mrs. H has gone through this exact same thing with her son, medication was being suggested. I've always been against it, but am getting to the point where it may just be necessary.

I leave the conference, head out to the car, get in and commence bawling. I call Big B who is on his way to FL that. Not much he can do while out of town, but I just had to tell him what happened.

I get home and AW comes out to the car, where we sit and heatedly discuss the whole thing.

Long story short, he's on contract. I've notified all teachers involved that they should expect to see a change and if by next Thursday they didn't, further action will be taken.

He will lose his cell phonePERIOD among other things. He will go see our family docPERIOD (I won't get the school invloved because that's not the best way to handle it. It is something we'll handle privately as far as the school system's concerned, because it can get messy otherwise.)

He's got tons of other restrictions as well. If I get reports of improvement and progress he'll get privileges back as time goes on. I've even threatened/promised changing his wardrobe to unifom style, but as I told him when he wigged out on that one...it shouldn't get to that point. Yesterday, after emailing all the teachers, I heard back from one, Mrs. M, the one that's been the most involved. She did give me a good report.

I know I'm forgetting some details, as I've pretty much lost my mind over this,but you get the gist.

AW got a B on his last Algebra test and had a B homework average....but an F in classwork. WTF??? How hard is it to do the work in class to make up a decent grade. Ok, stopping now before I get pissed again.

(The above stories have been copied, pasted and edited from messages I sent to a friend on Facebook.)

All this and nursing school too!