admissions

My last final exam is Monday morning at 9 a.m. and I couldn't be more nervous than I am right now. I'm on the verge of a migraine. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so close to the edge. This is why I don't go to the edges of cliffs. Even thinking about doing that makes me dizzy. But, alas, here I am with an 81% in my med/surg class. We still have four items to be submitted for a grade; one of our clinical rotation grades is pending, our preceptorship packet, our preceptorship/clinical grade and the final exam. It's a mere 25% of our total grade. I haven't done the math, but figure anything less than 78 and I fail.

These last few months have been extremely trying, even more than anyone will ever know. We've continued to have problems with AW and his academic standing, as well as his behaviors. Some of it's normal teenage rebellion, some of it has gone to extremes. I shoulder a lot of it, since I feel that I'm to blame for it all since I took time away from him to go to nursing school.

I think what makes me most nervous about failing is that it will quash everything we've been through the past two years.

Stronger, Mary J. Blige

We've been through the storm, we've been through it all
We had some close calls but never would fall
We climbed all the mountains, walked through all the valleys but you never left me behind

I found my way through the clouds
No more runnin, scared, closing my eyes
I will be true this love from my heart
I'm laying my life on the line

I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

They said we wouldn't make it but guess what we made it
And we got them wondering how
You were always for me, never been the one t'hurt me
You gave me peace of mine

I found my way through the clouds
No more runnin, scared, closing my eyes
I will be true this love from my heart
I'm laying my life on the line

I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

Sometimes I can't believe that you are with me..
There's nobody lucky as me
So I get on my kness to make sure that he knows that I'm grateful for what he gave me

I will survive
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I will survive, as long as it's you by my side
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger
I'm stronger

maple syrup gums

This is only half of it.





I'd probably be able to figure out which dog was most responsible for the trash strewn across my utility area on into the computer room, if only I smelled the breath of both guilty parties. I kid you not, I came home to a trash trail about 20 feet long and 4 feet wide.







Whomever got a hold of Aunt Jemima took out some real frustrations, if the condition of the bottle is an indication...



...the remnants were itty-bitty plastic pieces of shrapnel as if the bottle had exploded.

nevermind me

It's nearly 1 a.m. and I'm still awake, on purpose. I'm heading into my last string of night shifts tonight. I've actually liked working nights, since mornings aren't my forte. It's the trying-to-sleep-during-the-days-with-other-humans-living-nearby that has been problematic.

Doesn't the whole world know I'm working nights and I need my sleep like some people need to breathe!?

Seriously.

First, we have the phone. For the most part people who know us call us on our cell phones. It's those pesky telemarketers who call on the house phone and there's really not that many. But just like conception only takes one sperm, it only takes one dastardly phone call to kill a good sleep.

We've considered just cancelling our home phone, but our Internet is tied into it. I don't have the capacity to worry about such things right now, so after school is over I will work on that.

Speaking of that - school being over - 19 days!!

Ahem, back to my rant.

Next we have electricity or rather the fallibility of it. It's not a perfect phenomenon and there are times where it will stop working. Case in point, last Thursday, the power went out at the local high school (the high school LB goes to). First, we have the phone calls and then we have the teenager. He came home and decided it was imperative to notify the sleeping parent of the house that he and some friends would be going fishing.

Great! Did the phone lines go out as well and you couldn't call your father??? Sorry, mommy's grumpy...

Then we have the other teenager who comes home after his regular school day, because thank heavens the archaic building he goes to middle school in didn't lose power. He proceeds to ask me if he can go to a friend's house.

Yes, that was all in the same day. That night shift was so not fun! I was physically ill. Have you ever been that exhausted, where you feel almost as if you're experiencing vertigo, and you most certainly have nausea, and basically feel as if you're green?

Then there's the fact that my 39-year old body is just not used to staying up all night long anymore. I've done it though. Six whole nights so far, to be exact. Because the birthing center I've been doing my preceptorship at is relatively small, and not much has gone on, I've been able to catch up on some of my reading.

Don't get me wrong. I've gotten tons of good experience. I did have to go in for an 8-hour day shift today just to see a c-section. I've come close to seeing vaginal deliveries, but no cigar. I'm hoping tomorrow night might just be the night for it. Hopefully, typing this won't jinx it, but we have three inductions scheduled for tomorrow, and one isn't until 1530.

The other student who has been working nights has seen three vaginal deliveries during her nights, but I don't know about c-sections for her.

Speaking of exhaustion and the fact that I don't have to stay up all night, well the rest of it anyway, I'm going to head to bed and try to sleep through the morning. I'm hoping the teenagers will wake up on time, on their own - which has been a challenge all it's own!

resounding bleakness

Last year around this time I was obsessively looking at the area hospitals' job search pages. At the time you could be sure to find new grad postings.

Now?

Not so much.

In fact, the only thing comparable is the RNA (RN applicant) position open at a local university hospital. It's for a renal/respiratory unit. It's not really my cup of pee, I mean tea, but at this point, I'll take anything! That reminds me I need to check out another university's job postings. It's further then most of the others, but it's better than nothing.



A huge medical center, that is set to open in a couple of months, is hiring for various RN positions and I did come across one on their women's and children's pre/post-partum unit. I applied for it. The chances of me getting that job are so bleak it's funny, but what the hey. It's good practice filling out the applications.

It's so bad in this area that even the people I know who work in our local community hospital as externs or clinical techs (that are also graduating next month) - the one where we're doing our preceptorships - aren't even guaranteed positions. In fact this very hospital just laid off 35+ people in various departments, to include department heads, this past week. All I ask is that they leave the nurses alone! I mean there's enough competition out there with the hordes of all the other new grads that are also currently searching for jobs, without throwing in nurses who have experience.

I will work anywhere...hospital, doctors office, school...I am not picky!

never say "never", except...

...NEVER leave early, when training.

I started my preceptorship this past Wednesday night. I went in eager as all get-out, only to find out my preceptor was not working that night. It was some sort of mix-up, most likely due to my crazed thought processes. Because we have to get in enough hours to finish our schooling I had no choice, but to stay, as long as someone would keep me. Luckily, someone did.

It was a pretty slow night, especially considering the chaos that had ensued during days, and even the previous several days and nights. One a.m. rolled around and since it was my first night shift in about 18 years, and I hadn't slept well in preparation for it, when my RN said something about leaving early on call, I was all for it. Then we had someone walk in with abdominal pains. Long story, short: she was gone within two hours. So three a.m. rolls around and we're sent packing.

I'd thought to myself that I should stay, as you never know what you might miss in your given opportunities, and well heck I had stayed awake up to that point. Alas, I'd gotten 8 hours in and I knew I could squeeze the lacking 4 out somewhere else, so my exhaustion won out. I don't know that anyone would have let me stay anyway.

Wouldn't you know, when I get in Thursday night I hear about the labor patient that came in breech, and all hell broke loose, after we'd left. They had problems during the labor AND the baby had problems. Now, I would never wish any of that on anyone, but for the purposes of training, experience - good or bad - is like gold.

"Horrible" was the term I heard over and over in reference to the whole situation. I'd say it's pretty accurate, because it's how I feel having missed it.

It's all good though. I survived my first stretch of night shifts and thoroughly enjoyed it. I look forward to the next two weeks and pray, hope and wish to find something in what I now think is my niche, family birthing/L&D.

days 'n' nights

As of today I have 35 days until pinning. It's incredibly unbelievable that the days left in nursing school are so few.

I was just looking at some pictures from a lunch some of my classmates and I shared one day, in between classes. We'd taken an exam in the morning class. Many of us bombed it and were left feeling very defeated. We headed to a local restaurant to eat and drown our misery. We did just that. Uncharacteristic for many of us, we decided to drink. I don't drink during the day, ever, but decided that day it was warranted. It was a blast and we were able to let off steam. We were responsible; those who drove didn't drink.

Memories. I've not only gained an education over the past 20 or so months, but I've made connections I plan to keep forever. How fortunate is that!?

Tomorrow I embark on a slightly different adventure within this journey. That's the adventure into night shifts. I worked many "mids", 7a-7p, way back when I was in the Air Force. One thing I did like about it is well, for one, I didn't have to wake up with the sun, and also, the muckity-mucks weren't around to be dealt with. It should be interesting to see how it goes for me. I can only hope that my preceptorship in the family birthing center will be filled with many busy nights.

We're done with classes, and all that's left is our preceptorships, filling in holes that are left by some assignments that are still outstanding and then our one final exam. That doesn't include our exit-critical thinking ATI exam, but that's nothing you consciously prepare for.

Wow. I am in such disbelief that there's just over a month left of nursing school. There's still NCLEX to study for, but I really hope to have that done no later than mid-June.

Now the hard part will be finding a job!