never in a million

I have to say, I'm pretty happy I decided to start this blog back when I started nursing school. It enables me the ability to go back through and see how far I've come. This post made me laugh.

I didn't think I would ever get to this point, never in a million years.

Here it is 43 days until pinning and I am in disbelief. The journey's far from over, but it certainly has been quite the trip.

Today my class took the ATI Comprehensive Predictor (CP). I surpassed the benchmark set forth by our program for us. According to my score I have a 97% chance of passing NCLEX on the first attempt. Awesome, right? That's what the test is all about - a prediction. In our program we're required to take the various ATI exams and meet or surpass benchmark. I've successfully done so for all, but the pharmacology exam. Let's just say, "third time's a charm."

So, we have everything that one already has to accomplish in nursing school, what with care plan, unit exams, lab evals, stress, stress and more stress, etc., along with the pressure of passing these ATI exams. We're even graded on our attempts. In the overall scheme of our grades it doesn't take up a large percentage. That being said, you have to take the exams and you have to meet or surpass benchmark. It's not like you can get away with not taking them.

With success on your first attempt you receive 10 points, 7.5 on your second and 5 on your third. You have to do remediation before any successive attempts. That includes the CP. When I remediated for the pharm ATI all I had to do was study from the focused reviews available after each exam. It's quite a bit different for the CP, in that it's a 6-hour session, and you have to do it for the full length. I've heard that it's beneficial to do anyway and some of us have actually talked about sitting in. It couldn't hurt, could it? No.

Anyway. The problem here is it's so frustrating at this point to have this weighing so heavily on us. I'd like to see results of statistical evidence where it is proven that those who do well on the CP, do equally as well on the NCLEX. I personally think it's a load of BS. I mean, sure I passed today, but who's to say that in two-three months when I go to take the NCLEX that I am not going to have some wild and crazy extraneous factor that takes me off of my current game? I don't plan on this happening, but one never knows. It's about as fruitful for me to say, oh I passed today so I will have no problem passing NCLEX on my first try; I can rest on my laurels. I don't plan on that either.

The best thing to do is keep pushing toward the NCLEX. Keep studying. Set up a game plan for the remainder of the time left in school, and then one for post-graduation.

Now that I have that hurdle out of the way I have to write up my resume and cover letter for my professional portfolio, mentor on Wednesday, do our group project on Thursday, do my preceptorship in April and turn in the packet for it, and take the final exam the beginning of May.

gotta love him

Recently, I gave my eldest, who is a 17-year old athlete, his own bottle of One a Day Teen Advantage vitamins. He calls me up the next day to ask me how he is supposed to take them. I, in all of my infinite wisdom, and total maternal grace told him to swallow them with water. He informs me he's supposed to take them with food. Ok, that just means you need to take them when you eat.

DIRECTIONS:
Teens: One tablet daily, with food.

It occurred to me, that because he is a literal-minded being that maybe I should clarify exactly how he did take the tablet.

Sure enough, he took it with food. Literally, with a bite of food he chewed it up.

I just shook my head and informed him of the fact that he should swallow it whole, after he has eaten. This is the kid, that when I offered him acetaminophen for foot pain several years ago, he refused.

"The pain is not in my head!"

Yes, I did laugh. In his defense, all he'd ever taken acetaminophen for prior to that was for headaches.

spring "break"

At this very moment I'm pretty overstimulated, so much so that it's pretty much impossible to do any studying. What better time to blog, than when you're all excited about life's goings on?

First off, there's only 53 days until pinning. If I can survive this next week and a half, it's smooth sailing from April 1st onward. This next week we have a PPT project that is due, we have class on Monday, after which I plan on taking my eye & ear unit exam (or my pharmacology ATI, depending on which one I feel more confident in taking - heck, maybe both!) If I don't take the ATI Monday, I'll take it Tuesday. I have to retake the Comprehensive Predictor practice ATI this coming Sunday as I just took it and didn't quite get benchmark. (We take the CP on the 29th.) Hmmm... Wednesday we have our day in the lab with Sim Man. All the while I'm studying for NCLEX and ATIs, which is pretty much doing the same thing. After the 1st of April all that's left to do is my preceptorship, write up my resume and a cover letter for my professional portfolio, and study for our med/surg final.

What has my adrenaline pumping today? Well, let me tell ya!

I have plans.

I'm taking a couple of breaks from nursing school reality and delving into my family life. This evening LB has an away baseball game. I don't know if I've mentioned it before now, but he made the Varsity team. He started at this past Wednesday's game and played an awesome game. Tomorrow we're heading out to Baltimore to a Medieval Times dinner with some of Big B's coworkers and one of my BFFs from school, and her beau.

I am so excited. I've been working my butt off and have decided to take a little bit of a time-out of my Spring "Break", that has been nothing of a break from studying, to have a little fun and to be re-energized. Rest assured the remainder of the time will be spent with my nose in the books and online doing practice ATIs.

savings time

I seriously don't think there's any time being saved as of late. It's whipping by faster than any hurricane force winds.

Earlier this semester I made a list of the things that needed to be accomplished prior to pinning in May. I'm happy to report I'm nearly halfway down the list. It includes exams, ATIs, projects, discussion boards, care studies, reports and so on.

As of today I have the pharmacology ATI, along with the Comprehensive Predictor and the critical thinking ATI; an exam for the eye and ear unit, a professional portfolio that consists of my resume, and cover letter; a day in lab with Sim Man, a day in lab doing a group project, a day of mentoring first year students at the LTC facility I did my LTC rotation at, a group project PowerPoint to complete, all to be done before the 1st of April on the respective due dates. Then April 4th-24th I have my preceptorship. I'm incredibly delighted to report I'm going to the family birthing center for my preceptorship!!! I'll be on nights, which I'm hoping I live through, but it is only for 3 weeks. Next week I'll get to meet my preceptor.

Then our final exam is the week of May 3rd. Then May 11th is pinning. Wow. I can't believe how fast it's going!

she'll be coming around

So, it's been nearly a month since I last posted. "Time flies...", as they say.

What's been up with me?

Hmmm. I have been busy. School has me running ragged and it's about all I can do to make it through these last 69 days until pinning. 69 days?? Yes. Can you believe it? My how time has flown!

Clinicals have been lack luster. I've had some pretty good experiences, just nothing to write home to mom, or to post on my blog, about. That is, until yesterday, I should say. Yesterday I took care of my first cancer patient. Breast cancer that's metastasized all over, and it was heart wrenching. I was at such a loss as to what to do. The woman is in pain beyond anything I've ever known myself. They're working on getting it controlled, so she can go be at home with her family. Needless to say, I cried my first tears as I was overcome by grief for her that went back to my days grieving for my aunt, and then just thinking about my own mom.

It took me back to when I was seventeen and I still remember that night like it was last night. My aunt laid there on her bed, unresponsive, and that was it. She had lost her battle. My mom hasn't had cancer, thank God, but I still worry. It's hard since she lives in Texas, so far away.

I'm supposed to be in class today, but succumbed to another migraine. They don't happen as frequently as they were when I was on Seasonale, but I do get them every so often. It's the first day I missed this semester, of class, so I'm not too worried. Clinicals, on the other hand have been a different story.

I've missed a total of six days. Now don't get your panties in a bunch. Three of those days were acts of God. I'm sure you heard about "Snowmageddon"? Yes, well thanks to being snowed in for days at a time this lovely winter, we didn't have clinicals for three days. The other three days were my own personal reasons, two for illness and well, last week...

Last week, just as I was about to leave my across-the-street-neighbor backed into LB's car. Sooo, I had to take care of that situation and then I headed to the hospital. After I arrived LB calls and says his car won't start. Sooo, I take off to take him to school. In the meantime I call Big B, who then calls LB, who then calls me back to let me know Dad saved the day. By this time I was far enough away from the hospital I knew I would not be able to get back up to the third floor before missing report, which is our end-all-to-be-all for missing a day.

This Friday I get to play make-up and go to clinicals during a PN class time. The instructor, who just so happens to be my current rotation's instructor, told me that our main instructor wanted me to be supervisor for the day, but instead she's just going to give me a patient. That's fine with me.

Over the past month I have missed DC dreadfully. I keep thinking I see him at different spots he would easily be found at, but it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Snooki has fit in like a dream with our family. It's as if she's been with us since she was a kitten. It's kind of funny because she's taken quite a liking to bathing the dogs. They'll look back at her as if she's nuts, but then they just lie there and bask in the glory of being licked (read: given attention).

In other news I converted from my Blackberry to an iPhone. After getting an iPod Touch for Christmas, and realizing how much more they can do, it was a no-brainer. I love it. I just received it yesterday and have switched everything over from the Touch and the Blackberry, and now all that's left to do is search for apps that will help with the remainder of nursing school and possibly just nursing.

I should find out at the end of this month where I'll be doing my preceptorship at. For my choices, I put, #1, the family birthing center, #2, the ER, and #3, the OR. After spending considerable time in med/surg now, I've decided it is not my cup of tea. Any of my choices would be divine for me. As I've previously admitted I do have a pull towards woman's health/labor and delivery, but there's also the trauma junkie in me. As far as finding a job in the next few months I've even gotten to the point that I might be fine with working in a doctor's office, or school if the chance arises. I'm torn in a couple of directions because I do have my career aspirations, but then I do have my boys to think of. We'll just have to wait and see what jobs come open.

5:5

For the first time ever in my household, we have an even number of females to males.

The loss of DC started a long time before his death. As anyone knows who has had, or has an aging animal, they are often not as frisky as they used to be. The elderly feline won't run spastically through the house in a burst of sudden energy. He won't come lie by your side for a night's rest like he used to. He prefers to stay on the main level and ride out his last months in a sort of solitary confinement.

To be honest I hadn't even missed the spastic runs through the house until I was out visiting my brother in CO this past summer and his young cat went lickety-split as if its tail had been lit on fire.

I did miss him snuggling beside me on the bed.

It would stand to reason I would seek out a new furever friend sooner than later. I know me and I know I haven't lived without feline companionship for more than 3 years in my whole life.

It was a lot easier to talk Big B into inviting a new cat into the house than I ever imagined it would be. He had tried to refuse before we actually set out this past Sunday for lunner (lunch + dinner) out as a family. We had been snowed in Saturday, so the guys weren't able to take me out for my birthday. I picked a place knowing there would be a Petsmart nearby. We went in after dining on crab legs at Joe's Crab Shack, but to no avail. They didn't have a cat that I fell for. Fortunately, for me there was another Petsmart on the way home, and Big B willingly sped over to the right-hand lane to make the exit.

I originally intended on finding a small kitten to call my own, but then thought better of it considering our dogs. The second Petsmart had a litter of 7 month old kittens that had just come in the day before, but they were incredibly spooked. Before the kittens, I had first noticed this chubby, one year old white/black/tan tabby who played with me through the plexiglass. Her face was just too sweet to leave behind. I had the attendant bring her into the little cat-meeting area and I fell in love.

Meet Snooki


Girl power...She's warming up to everyone nicely and even cuddles with Sandi. That's a first, no cat in our house has ever had much of anything to do with the dogs, let alone getting that close to them!

where am i?

When it was time for me to leave Colorado for Air Force basic military training I hoped and prayed Mother Nature would hold off on dumping the fluffy white stuff called snow. I left December 4th, and I want to say, if I remember correctly, it snowed December 5th that year. That was over 20 years ago. In fact I avoided the frozen precipitation for a couple of years. I went from Texas to Arizona for more training and my first base was in Greece.

Love gets me every time.

Upon my impending departure from Greece I received orders to go to Bergstrom A.F.B, Austin, TX. It looked like I was on a roll. Of course, I'd already met and fallen in love with Mr. Wonderful. He had orders to go to Minot A.F.B, Minot, ND.

Uh oh.

We just had to be together. Can we say "dilemma!"? What's a lovestruck couple to do?

I'll tell you what we did. One of the medics I worked with also had orders to go to Minot. We were the same rank, time in service, all that mattered. Why not swap orders? She was all for it. Who wouldn't be? Austin was a much better fit for her than Minot would be. She was excited beyond belief. I didn't have to twist her arm. If only it were as simple as trading a government form amongst one another. Fortunately we were on a small base where everyone pretty much knew each other. I had a First Sergeant and Big B had a commander that were willing to pull whatever strings they had to to keep us together. We, or rather, I caught a lot of flack for it, too. It must be love to go to Minot!

Come on! It couldn't be all that bad. Could it?

I left Greece one month ahead of Big B. I went home to Colorado to do some wedding planning, because yes, we were engaged by this point. After spending March at home, I made my way up to ND. Upon signing in to my unit I was issued a parka and mukluks. Come on, it's April do I really need these!? During the next blizzard (1992) I quickly learned that yes, frozen tundra gear is definitely necessary in the Great White North. Big B had flown in to his childhood home of NJ, and after spending a couple of days there started to make his way out northwest and was met with the blizzard. He made it into my arms in one piece and that September we were married. We spent three and a half years in ND. He went on a remote tour to get us out of there.

I seriously dislike the cold and even more than that I abhor snow.

This brings me to my current surroundings in sub-Northern VA. In the nearly five years that we've been here we've had a couple of times during January/February when we've had some snow. It's been enough to cause snow days (it only takes one flake around here).

Snow has become my enemy. It ruined a Christmas party we were supposed to have, with the Blizzard of '09. It's dumped on us a couple of times since then, and now it's snowing again, January 30th, 2010!

Happy Birthday to me!!!

cold lap

I can remember the day Big B and I brought him home. We'd gone to the pet store in Minot, the one tucked into the side of a hill, and there was this little orange and white-as-new-fallen-snow tabby. His information card said he was 12 weeks old. I don't think it was accurate. He was just too small, and sickly. Had they taken him from his mother too soon? Never mind that, I would nurse him to strong, everlasting health. He would live forever.

We made our way upstairs to the parking lot. On our way up he startled at the hum and whistles the vending machines were making. He leaped from my arms and scurried into the room where the machines loomed ominously. I found him hovering behind one of the tall, noisy contraptions. I reached out to grab him and as I picked him up he caught my hand with his needle sharp little teeth. They barely nicked my hand, only drawing a smidge of blood.

I buried him into my shirt, nestled against my chest and carried him to the car. Big B had already made his way and was sitting behind the wheel. He was waiting patiently for me and the creature he had begrudgingly conceded to allow me to bring home with us. Once I got settled into my seat I said "Damn cat bit me! Sounds good to me. We will name him 'Damn Cat.'"

That was a cold day in December, 1993. Yesterday, January 26th, 2010, soon after I'd awakened for the day I knew it would be my last with DC.

The boys had Monday and yesterday off for teacher work days, so Monday night they had some friends over. Knowing I had to wake up early for clinicals I slept with my bedroom door shut. When the alarm went off I arose and attempted to exit the room with the girls in front of me, charging out of the room. (Food is the mainstay of their existence.) They quickly screeched to a halt, or would have screeched if it weren't for the carpet. They stopped because there was DC, laying in front of my door. Well, by this time he's seemingly sitting up. It's dark and I had just awakened from a deep sleep, so I really couldn't say what exactly he was doing. Why was he there anyway?

After taking care of the girls I made my way back upstairs to get ready for the day. While in my bathroom, I turned around and happened to glance down at my floor, under my bed. There he was again. DC was laying under the foot of the bed, listless. In horror I went over to him thinking he was dead. He peeked up at me without even lifting his head off of the floor. He just laid there pretty much motionless.

I knew the day was coming. He's had hyperthyroidism for quite some time and over the past month has displayed some odd behaviors. He used to sleep with me, but over the past year rarely even made his way upstairs. That was up until about a month ago, when he started hobbling up knowing he'd find me there.

I knew the day had come when we would spend our last hours together. Due to illness I'd already lost two clinical days, so I called my instructor in distress. She sympathetically told me to get myself together, and to come in as soon as I could. I'm glad I went. After being sick for the past couple of weeks it felt good to do anything but lie around, even though I had left DC.

After clinicals I came home and found DC downstairs. He wasn't doing any better than he had been in the morning. He kept crying in a high-pitched meow, unlike his normal manly meow. I sat down on the floor with him, cuddled and brushed him. At first I intended on taking him to the vet to have him put down, but decided I would keep him at home, unless he started showing signs of distress or pain. I know if I have the chance to choose, I'd like to spend my last moments in the comfort of my home, surrounded by those I love, not in a cold, unfamiliar environment.

Later I had to study so we made our way upstairs, me carrying him in my arms, swaddled in a towel. At first I laid him on the bed with me. He wriggled around some, so I knew he wasn't comfortable there.

I placed him on the floor nearby. He would cry and wriggle and sleep. Even later I decided to bring him back up on the bed with me, this time attempting to hold him. He just couldn't get comfortable in my arms, so I laid him on the towel on the bed, next to me. I studied a little more and then decided to call it a night. I made room for me to get into the bed and there I laid, playing games on my iPod Touch, while he just laid next to me. As I played I heard him gasp a little. A few minutes later I looked over. He was gone.

The furry friend I made so long ago will no longer keep my lap warm. Now all I have is the memories. He's had a good life. He's traveled the Western Hemisphere and seen places many humans have never, or will never, see. He was born in Minot, ND, and from there he went to Wichita Falls, TX, to York County, VA, to Italy, and his final resting place will be here in VA. I lovingly called him "Putsi Poo".


DC "Putsi Poo" S. ~October 1993-January 2010

where have all the good vibes gone?

I'm feeling like nothing short of a spokesperson for a Cymbalta ad lately. Isn't that the one that says "Depression hurts...?" It's certainly not that I'm feeling pain from fibromyalgia, or diabetic nerve pain, since I have neither disease. It's more like a toss up between depression and anxiety. I'm feeling more anxiety than depression, but nonetheless I feel like doing nothing at all, at least as far as what needs to be done for my final semester of nursing school.

Shouldn't I be filled with such great amounts of exhilaration to give me the adrenaline rush that keeps me going?

I can say that I'm excited. It's not just me either. A few of my classmates are feeling the same way. It's taking a lot to get motivated to do our readings and care studies.

Care studies?

Yeah, that's a new one they've thrown at us this semester. We're not doing care plans or concept maps. The task itself seems pretty daunting overall, but then I look at it and I know once I start it won't be as bad as it seemed. The care study involves more application, and answering questions about the particular patient we choose to complete it on, than the care plan did. We don't have to fill out a chart on labs and other tests. We just have to talk about such items, and give the trends. Mine is due Monday. Have I started yet? Nope! I guess it's really no different than waiting until the last minute to do a major research paper.

GAH!

Last weekend I decided the smart thing would be to list everything that needs to be accomplished from then until the end of the semester, so I did just that. I'll be able to check the items off as I finish them.

The headaches I've been having haven't helped. I've had a couple of true migraines, and as far as the others, I think they're sinus headaches. Monday morning I noticed my right pupil was a tiny bit larger than my left. One of my classmates even confirmed it, just in case I was seeing things - no pun intended. I asked her if one of my pupils looked larger than the other. She looked and told me the right one did. It doesn't since that afternoon, but how weird is that!? Not to mention the missing or altered words...

When I'm typing I have to meticulously edit everything I type to make sure I didn't leave anything out, like the main subject. When I've spoken recently I've used a different word than what I intended on saying. For instance I was telling someone the other day that someone else had run over a cat. I said "She ran over a car." I had no idea I used the wrong word until they pointed it out to me.

Another thing that has thrown me for a loop is having to plan our own pinning ceremony and the fact that we might have to wear our ugly uniforms for the ceremony, as well as our class picture. Many of us have spoken up and said we would like to wear crisp, new, traditional whites. I'm all about the tradition, pomp and circumstance of such events. This is a special occasion. I pointed out that many of us are not attending regular graduation, so rather than the money we would spend on caps and gowns, we'll be spending it on whites to wear for the ceremony. Yes, we have to plan our own ceremony. We've been allocated $150 for refreshments and anything we need for the ceremony. Yesterday we met and got committees together for refreshments, the video and programs, flowers, etc. In years past they've used the tent that they've also used for graduation on our campus. Graduation is no longer being held on our campus, so no tent. We have to have it in the tiny common area of the main building. I don't even want to think about fire codes and maximum occupancy.

That's about all the whining I'm going to put out there today.

On a happy note, I did put in for my preceptorship. The slips were handed out last week and many of my classmates turned them in that day. It took me a little bit longer to be sure about the order I wanted to place my choices, since we're given three. I put OB first, then ER, and my third choice is OR. Speaking of the OR, I'm headed there Monday, and I find that really exciting! It's the little things. At least it's a good vibe!

say what!?

So I was sitting at my computer desk the other day doing various things computerish. After a few moments pass AW joins me in the room, sits down at the kids' computer desk, and proceeds to log on to the 'net.

He then speaks up, after apparently seeing the news on Yahoo's home page, and says "Huh, hotty had an earthquake".

I still want to burst out into a fit of raging laughter when I think about it. At the time I calmly replied "Haiti".

This brings me to words that are either mispronounced or are pronounced differently from how we are used to them being pronounced.

My memory on this was sparked over at This Will Only Hurt A Bit when she talks about her instructor mispronouncing the word "parenteral".

In my program the one word that I'm sure my classmates and I have all heard (mis?)pronounced has been "centimeters". We have two or three instructors we have heard pronounce it "sont-imeters".

I don't know if it's a case of "to-may-toes or to-mah-toes", or what!