backpack, tote, or messenger bag?

I'm heading out here in a bit to purchase my nursing school textbooks, but just had to sit back and blog first...

Two weeks from tomorrow I start a new endeavor in my life, nursing school. I am both nervous and excited. I'm nervous because nursing school is not a piece of cake. There will be reading, more reading, and yet still, even more reading.

"You will read more than your eyes can handle."

I've been in contact with a woman who finished up her first year, at the school I'm going to, this past May. She had many words of wisdom: from the equipment I'll need, such as a stethoscope and BP cuff, to the lab coat, to a plethora of index cards one should have in their arsenal, and everything in between. She's also informed of the testing that goes on, besides the normal tests. It's called ATI testing, and it costs $66 a semester. This is one of those finer points of pressure--if you don't pass it, after three tries, you're out of the program.

Now in my current college career I've done well, and don't mind telling you. It is something to boast about, a 3.6 GPA that is! Being a non-traditional-not-so-fresh-out-of-high-school college student I have many extraneous life factors such as my guys, that can add to the stress of taking classes. Or is it the stress of taking classes adds to the stress of being a mom? Nursing school is different. It is a different mindset. You are learning about the skills and knowledge you need to sustain, maintain, save human lives. So I feel a sort of ambivalence: do I trudge on in my current midset of working hard for A's, or do I just do what I can to get by? I guess only time will tell. Study groups were strongly suggested.

For several years, about 4 to be exact, I've been doing all my classes online. Now it's back to the traditional classroom. There's certain comfort in hiding behind a computer, you know? Now I will have to perform. I'm 37 years old, and although there will be other "older" students, there will be plenty younger ones. Many of the labs we'll be doing are things I've done in the past in my previous medical training...handwashing, bed making, venipuncture, sterile procedures, blah, blah, blah. Who wants to be the crazy old lady? Like Renny on BB10. At first she was pretty off-putting, but I've grown to really like her. She's one of my favorites, but still she gets flack from the younger houseguests.

Onto the exciting part...

I'm finally doing what I've dreamed of for nearly ten years! How cool is that? I only had to wait a little while. But now it's my time! And the opportunities that I will face over the next couple of years? Next summer I can do a paid externship if I so desire...and who wouldn't!?

My own identity. I've loved being MSgt S's wife, BZ's and AW's mom, will always love those titles...and sure for the past two years, at the high school "Mrs. S"-which as long as my kids have friends I will still be...but in two years, God willing, I will be KLS, R.N.! Sure I've had credentials and rank before but none so coveted as what my ambition will lead me to. Being an assistant, whether medical, or instructional, is not good enough...at least for me.

Meeting new people holds a certain level of excitement for me as well. I've always been a people person, although over more recent years I've closed myself off. I now realize I need to surround myself with good people. The past couple of months has shown me this. I've been somewhat lonely and it's come on since school, my job, ended. Every day I could look forward to being around good people. Sure, there are a few I DO NOT miss! So I look forward, now, to the bonds that I will undoubtedly form.

backpack, tote, or messenger bag?

Sure, not very important, what with Russia bombing Georgia, a father of an American Olympian being killed in Beijing, or even Bernie Mac's death, but it is a matter of utility for me. Even at the closest parking spots, the school is still a lengthy walk in relation to them. Textbooks are cumbersome, especially in foul weather, so a good bag for cover is a necessity. At first I wanted a new Vera Bradley tote bag, but am leaning toward a backpack...Alec seems to like his messenger bag. Decisions, decisions!

Yep, there's been a little too much free time for Kirsten...but I am enjoying it while I have it!
Please, if you've made it to the end, don't be afraid to leave me your thoughts, or comments! It seems many view my blogs, some comment, but I'd love to hear from anyone who has something to say!

I...

I Live in a small town in the country.
I Work to make those around me happy.
I Talk to my lizard.I Wish the economy would improve.
I Enjoy the company of my friends and family.
I Look at cows whenever I drive by them.I Find ladybugs in my house.
I Smell candles burning.I Hide nothing.
I Pray for my family's safety.
I Walk in the evenings...or used to.
I Write research papers...yippee.
I See the good in people.
I Sing in the car when I'm alone.
I Can make a mean lasagna.
I Watch people at airports.
I Yearn for closeness of my family.
I Daydream about my dream house.
I Want to graduate.
I Cry all too easily.
I Read trashy novels, chick lit, mysteries, and horror.
I Love my guys.
I Wonder when we'll be able to build our dream house.
I Touch textures.
I Hurt a deer when I hit it with my car.
I Fear cliffs and dropoffs.
I Hope our new president turns the economy around.
I Break up fights between my kids.
I Eat dinner with my family.
I Quit stresssing over my current class.
I Bathe regularly.
I Drink Crystal Light lemonade, unsweetened iced tea w/ sweet n low and lemon, coke zero, water, wine, whiskey sours, beer, and milk.
I Stop arguing when I know I'm right.
I Save money with coupons.
I Hug my guys all the time.
I am loyal.I Play freecell.
I Miss my mom.
I Hold people to their word.
I Forgive those who've judged me.
I Drive a 2008 Chevy Equinox.
I Learn by doing.
I Have a big butt!
I Don't socialize like I used to.
I Made banana pudding for a party this afternoon.
I Kiss my guys good night.
I Believe everything happens for a reason.
I Wait to start nursing school.
I Need to work with Minnie.
I Feel irritated in the middle of the night when I wake up, and can't get back to sleep because of my hubby's snoring!I Know things always work out.
I Wonder about some people.
I am a happy girl.

retrospect on dealing

Sifting through my computer files I came across the blogs I'd saved from my old Myspace account. Following is one, that I wanted to add back in.
updates to the blog:

AW didn't make the school soccer team this past spring, but never gave up and went on to play for the city league. Their team name was the "annihilating nutheads"! How appropriate. He also did not have anything entered in the art show. No biggie. He did bring home some of his work from class, and as usual it's always impressive. We bought him a guitar a while back and he spends alot of time tinkering around with it. I wanted to put him in lessons, but he insists on learning on his own.

BZ's continued on with baseball. He played for the county Babe Ruth league, with a bunch of his friends who also did not make the high school team. They went on to win the championship! They rocked like you would not believe! He also played for the local American Legion team. He didn't start, but did get some good playing time in, not to mention the invaluable experience practicing with players older than he is--some were college aged. In the midst of all that we sent him to UVA baseball camp, with one of his friends and they had a blast. He plans to play fall ball with the school associated team this coming school year. They don't have fall ball officially with the school, for some strange reason. The teams are associated with the different area high schools, for instance everyone on his team goes to his school. The coaches are typically parents or volunteers from the community. He played last fall, and it was a great time had by all. He will go on to try out in the spring for the school team. With all the experience he's gained recently he should do well. He better after all the money we've spent on this sport!
dealing

I just posted the following comment on someone's blog in reference to her still watching cartoons with her boys:

"Lap up the cartoons while you can! There will come a day when you miss hearing Squidward yell, "Spongebob!", or Chucky talking about how he's scared of something, or even Steve singing the Blues Clues song! But it's really cool when they start developing into the young adults they will become...getting into music, art (AW), relationships, trouble (more then who broke something, or who pinched who), life in general...spreading their wings. Show them strength, because someday when one or the other breaks your heart you'll look back to the days of innocence and cartoons, with a need to draw from your inner strength."
Oh, the heartbreak! This past year, or so, as my teenage son, BZ, and my pre-teen son, AW, have gone about their lives I've had to develop thicker skin. Well, let's just say it's still thickening. Maybe a mother's skin continues to thicken from this point on, and that ultra-thick skin is what allows her to be a wonderful grandmother. Anyway! Let's not get ahead of ourselves!

My eldest, in particular, because he's developed a larger-then-life social life, has provided the forum for some serious thickening. The child who once told me everything, and I was his major source of everything, has, at times, informed me, and not necessarily in a mean way (that probably would be better-at least you'd be able to think it's out of anger or such), that he doesn't need to tell me certain things, some things are just none of my business. Don't get me wrong I can appreciate ones need for personal privacy. It just stings when someone who you've been privy to all their privies doesn't want to share as much anymore.

I guess I can't complain too much because he's the child (ha, that's not quite the best descriptive term...young man) who when I try to embarrass him, say at school, he shrugs it off and goes right along with whatever I'm doing. For those who don't know, I work at the high school he attends. One day, after school as I was waiting for AW to get off the bus (there for a while he was getting off at the HS so he could ride home with me...smiles) and I saw BZ standing with friends, outside. I said to one of my co-workers that I should go out there and embarrass him. I walked outside and yelled to him "Hello BZ! Mommy loves you!!" He didn't give me an angry look, didn't pretend like he didn't know or hear me, he waved back wholeheartedly! He's the one that if I ask him for a hug in the hallway, even though it goes against the school's PDA rules, he'll give me a hug.

Now AW on the other hand, he tells his father and I if we show up at his school we are supposed to act like we don't know him, to not say anything to him. He would have shriveled up and died if I had yelled something to him like what I did to BZ! In the least he would have turned a lovely shade of green, chartreuse maybe? But he's also the one when I am upset I can count on for a hug...as long as were at home in private, I suppose.

This past week I have been trying to deal with a heartbreak I've never known before. BZ started baseball tryouts at the end of February. To give you a little bit of history, he's played ball since he was four. So back to the tryouts. Because of weather the tryouts were extended out past the original cut day of Thursday, much to my anxiety and displeasure, to this past Monday. So after waiting eleven years, and one week of sheer suspense, Monday after picking him up, dining at Subway for a quick dinner, and returning home I figured they would start posting the list on the Internet. It had been plenty of time. Sure enough, came in the house, looked and there were a couple of names...ugh. It was being posted alphabetically, and hitting refresh every so often would show you more names. So we get to the R's and then we go to the Schxxx. I am bawling by now, from the anticipation, and now the utter devastation in not seeing our last name, knowing Brian didn't make it. Meanwhile, the B's are either laughing or yelling at me to stop, why am I crying, it's dumb...blah, blah, blah. Sweet AW is trying to console me, but I am flipping out.

Ok, so it wasn't a good reaction to have especially considering the person who should really be upset, and is trying to shrug it off in such a manly way. But if you know me you know I'm emotional, quirky, and an all-around basket-case! I won't deny it! I think I've even gone through the steps of mourning. Denial, sadness, anger....I'm still there, but with each day the resolve is taking over.

We knew there was a chance he wouldn't make it. There were over thirty boys trying out, and they only picked 17. So you can chalk it up to sure, some of them are just that damn good, but there's also politics.

BZ has been awesome throughout this whole thing. He did the pre-season conditioning faithfully, only missing one day because he was sick. He kept up a positive outlook, showing a confidence anyone would hope to have. In the end he's taken the disappointment with the grace a parent can really be proud of (and maybe should take from example!)

He has decided to play for the county rec league. We're trying to get him and his friends who also didn't make the team, on the same team. It won't be a season without baseball entirely, but I will have a hard time going to the HS games without a feeling of resentment. Some of his closest friends did make the team, and loving them like they're my own I'm sure I'll force my bitter self to go and cheer them on....once...haha.

There's hope for next year, as he's already said he won't give up, he will try out again.

Now on to AW. He is going to try out for his middle school soccer team. Can you just see my skin thickening? No, he has some hope. He has played soccer, unlike when he tried out for basketball. We were so proud of him for that. He'd never played formally, but gave it a shot (no pun intended), anyway. There's also the upcoming annual county school art show. He had a piece in it last year, and I would love for him to show off his ability this year. I really ought to take some pics of his drawings and post them to show them off.

Hmm...well, that's about all I have to say right now. Something to think about: the pride felt being a parent, a mother, outweighs the heartbreak...we can only hope!

oh deer

In Northern Virginia, the area we live in, it is almost inevitable that someday, at some point, you will hit a deer. If yesterday couldn't have gotten any worse, my time of impact arrived in a flash.

The day started out perfectly. I woke up on the right side of the earth. Lately it seems as if I've not only awakened on the wrong side of the bed, but the earth too. February 2nd, 2008, started out blissfully.

The boys both had sleepovers, and the great room was filled with not only teenage boys, but a couple of 11 year olds as well.

The plans for the day included me going to Quantico, and on my way I would drop off a couple of BZ's friends. After dropping the first of two off BZ started asking me about replacing cell phones, and how it could be accomplished, say if one was broken or lost. I thought it kind of weird, as it was out of the blue. Well after dropping the second boy off I found out exactly why LB inquired about replacing cell phones. He had lost his.

To shorten this story, the teenage boys snuck out after Big B and I went to bed, leaving the younger two in their wake, promising not to snitch. During their outing that consisted of them hiding when cars would approach on their way into town BZ's phone went missing.

I don't know, isn't there a reason we should follow rules!? So yeah, not a fun thing to deal with: kids breaking rules, and losing expensive equipment.

Then later another of BZ's friends invited him over for the evening. Well after the earlier mishaps he was placed on restriction. He begged, and a deal for restitution was made. He was to call the other four boys, and inform them he'd been busted, we as his parents wouldn't call theirs, but they should do the right thing. Amazingly enough he set out and completed this task. One thing I will say is he is a very lucky person to have the wonderful friends he does. (May sound terribly ironic, if not contradictory...) Enough said to that point.

Fast forward to picking BZ up from his friends house: I once again, agreed to drop one of the other guys at their house on our way home. After doing so we continued on our journey in the land o' Sumerduck (forested areas, winding roads, rural communities, so on. Get the picture?)

Virginia is not a well lit state. At this one point, approaching a church, because it is one of the more luminous areas we could see a deer making it's way toward the very road we were traveling. Oh no! Please don't! BAM! Thud.

Excuse me while a rush of nausea passes over me.

OK, well I'd remembered hearing you should check to see if said deer is still living, so I did and she in fact was. Ugh. So I attempted to call the Sheriff's office to no avail, and proceeded to call 911. Don't fret, in this area although we do have our fair share of emergencies I'm sure I wasn't taking away from too much for "just a deer".

I gave my location, name and number. Because it was left to my discretion , and BZ was in the car with me, and I was incredibly upset, I decided to proceed home. I really couldn't sit there and watch her struggle any longer.

If you know me you know I am an animal lover, and being this was my first, and hopefully only time, hitting a deer I was, still am, affected. It will take a while to get the vision of her head poking up over the ditch that she landed in out of my head.

Another tide of nausea...

This is all not to mention the love for my Chevy. I knew there had to be damage, although in my then current state of denial I so hoped there wouldn't be any. She was a young deer, and on the smaller side. So maybe? Ha! The right passenger side bumper was crushed inward with strands of her coat remaining. Fortunately, Big B was able to pull the crushed in portion out so it doesn't look incredibly as unfortunate as before, but it is indeed cracked, and there is a dent in the adjacent, anterior portion of the body.

Can we say deductible? more nausea...

Sure it's tax season, but we already have a A/C unit to replace....for our house. Yeah, 2007 wasn't the best year. This year sure is starting out with a crash...no pun intended.

meanest mom on the planet

This was an email I sent out:

So I thought I had won the title of "meanest mom on the planet" today.

Let's rewind to this morning. While working with one of my students in the library I noticed my son walk in with a group of other students. I thought it a little odd since I knew he was in the Eagle Room, the small auditorium in our school....we have one large, one small. Anyway. He was in the E.R. with his keyboarding class because all the business wing classes are holding class in there, and having guest speakers, because of the SOL testing currently going on in their normal classrooms (many are computer labs).

As my student and I depart from the library, BZ is also. I whack him with the small stack of papers I'm carrying, and he informs me he has after-school detention. WHAT!!!??? I ask why, and in answer he hands me the referral form, and associated paperwork. In the notes section reads: "Sleeping through presentation-business. Students were asked to sit up and pay attention. Other students attempted to wake him...sound asleep with mouth open". Hmphh!

Yes, you may laugh, I did. But then I was perplexed since ASD is more punishing to parents who have to pick their hoodlums up from it....and parents who are gainfully employed at that institution do not necessarily want to return on the same day, even for their hoodlum! I asked one of our office clerks, sweet chick that she is if she wanted a 14 year old, she nodded to me in a knowing fashion, since she'd already found out about my hoodlum's indiscretion. But she was willing to take him, not many people are, for some reason. So I head back to my room, my student in tow...and then on our way to our next destination I decide to visit our friendly assistant principal who is in charge of my son. They're grouped alphabetically. I walk into his office with a "Good morning" and promptly ask if it could be changed to ISS, in school suspension. I explained I dont like wasting money on gold, I mean gas, unnecessarily. He was more than willing! So voila! Instead of two days of ASD, next Monday and Friday, that he was previously given the option of, he gets ISS, tomorrow and Monday.

(Later, during lunch) Evidently, after I informed my hoodlum of his demise he went to his table and expressed his joy and love for me. He actually confessed this tonight! It went something to the effect of me being stabbed and wriggling, and being a bitch, and...well you get the picture! Ahh, feel the love!

But then I just heard of a woman who is possibly my new idol! Click on the link and read, and laugh!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080110/ap_on_fe_st/odd_car_ad_5

To those of you who mother teenagers, may you know the pleasure I do! For those with small children, hug them closely and pray for their future. For those who've passed these stages with flying colors, may we all be so lucky! To my mom, thanks for jinxing me all those times when I messed up, because yes, now I pay!

looking forward to friday

As this week comes to a close I come to realize certain things about myself. Over the past few years I've grown more reclusive, and have found it suits me. There once was a time I would say, "Someday I'm going to go live in the mountains and be a hermit!" It seems this self-fulfilling prophecy has come to fruition! I live close to the Blue Ridge mountains, and have found that keeping pretty much to my immediate family, and a few friends holds happiness, whereas I used to surround myself with tons of people, and reveled in it. Age happens, and with it wisdom. Bitterness? Hardening against external forces? The Great Wall of Kirsten? Pain leads to learning. You get hurt and eventually you don't want to give in to the possibility of it happening again. Not to mention that having a family, a full-time job, college coursework, pets...who has time for much else? This is not to say I don't enjoy the company of the few friends I hold dear. Some are near in geography while others are only near in heart.

Something else I marvel at is my inability to hold phone conversations, at least as something enjoyable. I still have a few friends from past lives who call me, do I return the favor? Rarely. I can only hope they don't take it too incredibly personal. I just don't enjoy talking on the phone like I once did. The 'net is the best way to stay in touch with this chick!

My job threw me for a loop last week, prior to the start of school this week. There are probably about 12-15 assistants who work at the HS with me. Of them only a few hold permanent positions within the school. The rest of us, as made so evident last week, are indispensable in the positions we hold. Prior to Thursday I worked one on one with a girl who has cerebral palsy. I enjoyed working with her last year, even if sometimes it became frustrating. Even a saint would find frustration working with one person day after day! This time last week I found out I had been switched with another assistant into a classroom with special needs children ranging from severe emotional disturbance to mental retardation. Although I had no warning to the switcheroo I welcomed the change, still do, as I need more experience with a larger group of students, then I was getting before. It's taking some getting used to, especially being in one classroom all day, but I'm really enjoying it. We have twelve students, mostly boys. They're all great kids to work with. Sure there are bumps a long the way, but that's to be expected. Because my future ambitions include teaching special education this experience is invaluable. (7/31/08 Umm, nope, not doing that! Switched mid-year back to my original career ambition~nursing~start classes 8/26/08)

That brings me to the goals over the next year. Primarily this means graduating December 08 with my B.S. in Psychology. Because I have 5 courses to take, and four of them are prerequisites for one another it's going to take me four semesters to finish. Rest assured next year will be one with great satisfaction looming at it's end! (7/31/08~Down to 1, plus the one I'm finishing up August 15th!)

It will be a year of many milestones. Mine is just the cherry of the whole sundae that is the year 2008 for the Scannons of Virginia. BZ will turn 15 in March, and Big B will be retiring from the Air Force after nearly 21 years in (done~May, 08)!

I guess the best lesson learned in any life is that of gratefulness of what just is, the small things, and all that you hold dear in your heart. Inner peace and tranquility will remain themes for my life as I close out my thirties....which I still have a few years to go on that!